Love of my Life

i know in my heart that i havn't let go of him yet. i probably never will. he was the love of my life for eight months, and now he's gone and not coming back. i can't explain how i've felt over the last three weeks. it's something that i havn't felt since before i went to the hospital, when we broke up the first time. my mind knows that were not right for each other, that our relationship has failed four times before and trying it again just won't work. but my heart, it just won't let go of the fact that he's the only one for me. i'll take the good with the bad. i just know that he can't, and i'm just going to end up hurting him again and again until we both snap. so goodbye to the only one that i've ever truly loved. i'll miss you.

Little Fingers

I didn't think that seeing something like that was going to hit me so hard. I don't know what to do right now. All I can think about is that I had already made the mistake.. I should have at least made something out of that mistake that could have made me happy. I gave up my one chance at it.. now it may never happen, and it's all because of yet another mistake I made. It crosses my mind at least once a day and I'll never let go of that thought. If I let go of the thought that means I have to let go of the one thing that made my life worthwhile, even if it was only for a couple of days. I imagine back to February. Yes, it would have been unbearably hard, but I was and am ready and willing to take on that challenge.

I Understand

i wish that nubby knee's and chipped fingernails was enough. there's too much that i'm having a hard time dealing with, and things just keep piling up. i wonder everyday where i'll be tomorrow, the next day, or the day after that. things keep changing so rapidly that i don't have time to predict what's going to happen anymore. i'm starting to understand myself better. i'm starting to understand whats happening inside my head, and all the things that become of it.