I'm stressed to my limit. I have been trying to keep myself calm and keep myself in check, but nothing is working. I'm finding that I have no self control when it comes to "dealing" with my stress, anxiety and mood swings, and I am doing things that are harmful. I know I shouldn't, and that's what's scaring me. I admit that I should not be doing these things, yet I still am, because it's easy and numbs me. I need to get out of this house more than anything. I know living with my dad is detrimental to not only my recovery for my mental health, but also my every day life. If leaving was an option, I would do it. But I know my dad won't let me come back if I do leave, and I quite literally have no money, and right now I have no way to make money. I'm tired of everything. I so badly just want to pack up everything and leave. I'm sick of not knowing how to help myself. I have no where to turn. I feel like I'm standing on a one-square-foot island that happens to be five hundred feet in the air with a volcano below it. One wrong move and I plummet downwards. The thoughts I'm having shouldn't be there. I shouldn't be thinking the things that I am, but I have no way to control it. I'm run down. I'm below empty. The last seven months have been hell. I just want this to be over.
