I need to get away right about now. I'm so sick of going on and on, and then cracking one day when things get too heavy. I want to take a road trip in the Spring sun, the wind blowing into the car as we roll the windows down, and the music blasting. I need to get away from this place. My eyes are puffy from the crying I've been doing, and I wish I could just clear my head, for once. Just once.

I never really understood the whole "best friend" thing. I've really only had one best friend in my life, but she has drifted like everyone else does. I was sitting here thinking of this, when I figured something out. I've had two best friends in my life time. Although I have only known her for about a year and a half, I still believe that we were destined to be friends. We understand each other better than anyone else ever could. This girl is my best friend, no matter what anyone says. We laugh and joke, but then we can be serious and crying the next minute. I love the time I spend with her, and there is something about her that I've never found in anyone else. We follow the same track, we follow each other. First one person will lead, then the other will climb a bit higher in life and start to lead. I love you Lisa, with all my heart. You are my best friend.

I was in search of an unknown person. A person with an unknown name, unknown face, unknown, well, everything. I didn't know if I was on the right road, I didn't know if I would ever find this person. There were so many times that I thought I had found the person I was looking for. In the end, I realized that I lost myself in search of this unknown person. The tears fell down my face as I figured out that the person I was looking for would possibly never come to me, would possibly never be found. All I wanted to do was find this person. Find the person that would treat me like no one ever has, and I guess you could say that every time I think I have found this person, they treat me better and better. So now, after my last experience, will the next person be the one? Will the next person be the one that could change my life for the better?

Tell me the truth, tell me the whole truth. I don't want to hear anymore lies. Anymore deception. I just want to know..

I find it quite amazing how people that I thought I would be friends with forever, drift away. They all have their own agendas, with their new friends, and I get left behind in the dust. That's okay though, really, it is. I see now that they haven't been true friends. They never are. The true friends, in my book, are the ones that you got mad at in third grade for buying the same boots as you, but within an hour you are back on the jungle gym trading "boyfriends." A true friend, to me, is when you can tell them absolutely anything in the world, and they will look at you like your crazy then bust into laughter, and you laugh along as well. A true friend, which should be to everyone, is someone that cares. If you are upset over a boy, they will stand by your side, and threaten to beat up the boy that hurt you, even if that boy is seven feet tall. You never know who you true friends will be when you meet them, but by the time you have a fight, you'll know if they are worth chasing after.

OH MY GODDD!
I'M SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW!
:D

The spring light drapes across the living room floor, and I think to myself, "What a day to be alive." That's what I am. Alive. And I could not be happier to proclaim that. You see, the last few years have been quite difficult for me. Nearly impossible, actually. But I got through them and I will continue to get through them until I cannot do it any longer. This life is the one I was given, and this is the one life I will live as me. My life means more to me now than it did even six months ago. I have made tremendous strides in my recovery, and I will make more strides, until I can say that I believe in myself to do whatever my heart desires. I sit here, spilling my guts to you, red nails tapping across a black keyboard, and I wonder something. I wonder if it's even worth it. To tell you all about these things, I mean. No one, besides my family, has ever taken the time to care. To get to know me, the real me, and know that yeah, I'm depressed, but I can have happy days too, just like you. Have patience with me. I thought I had met someone that genuinely cared, but he turned out like the rest and ran. I guess, though, that I will have to have more patience for myself before anyone can have patience for me. I don't know how quickly that will come, but just know that I am trying. And as I have said twice before in this post, I will continue to try. I will be how I want to be one day. I can promise you that for certain.

For the first time in my life, I know this.
I deserve better than that.
And you're an idiot for letting me go.

I wish you wouldn't write me off as a reject. Like something you can dispose of so easily. We were something, we had something. Believe me, I know the key words in that sentence. They are past tense. But just because we used to be something, doesn't mean you can treat me like, well, shit. I am a human being. You do not have the right to talk down to me, you do not have the right to act like we are friends one minute, and horrid exes the next. Yes, we are exes. But we are also friends. At least, I thought we were.

It's been a hectic past two days at work, but I'm ready to jump in and get into the swing of things! I have the weekend off (as I will every weekend) but today we are going into my store to hopefully, if they still have it, get something for my brother! And of course, maybe something for me! I really enjoy my coworkers, and my bosses, which is a wonderfuuuul thing! (: Well I'm off! Have a great day everyone! (and if you are in the Seattle area, IT'S SUNNYYYY!)

I GOT A JOB! WOOHOO! I start tomorrow, I'm super excited. The first thing to buy with my new source of income : REBEL XSI.. or maybeee the T1i. I haven't decided yet ^__^ I haven't had a job in a year and a half, so this is really exciting to me. I really can't wait until the weather starts to turn around. Don't get me wrong, I love the gloom, but it's about time for some sunnnnnshine!

Easter is the day after tomorrow.
Have a great Easter, everyone.