Nothing Matters

How do I describe my passions to you? You obviously don't get it, otherwise you would have done things differently. Photography. Modeling. Writing. Fashion. These are my passions. These are the fuels of my life, THE ONLY THINGS THAT KEEP ME GOING. Do you even have any comprehension as to what these mean to me? I would not be alive today if I didn't have these in my life. There is so much I want to say but I'm drawing a blank. Photography is my first passion. The one thing that has been a constant in my life for a long, long time. Why didn't you get me a better camera? One that could actually work for me. One that was MEANT for photography. It doesn't seem to matter how much I drill it into your head, you'll never understand what a good camera means to me. I was using my aunt's camera over Christmas, I NEED THAT CAMERA. Modeling is my second passion. For as long as I can remember, I have LOVED being in front of a camera, as well as behind it. I did my modeling classes, so why aren't you guys jumping at the chance to let me bloom into a wonderful model? The kind of person I've always wanted to be. Writing, my third passion. Now this has been the constant in my life, ever since I could write. I've loved making up stories, plays, or just creative writing. I love just sitting down in front of a computer and writing for as long as i possibly can. A laptop with internet so I can do this whenever, where ever would be lovely. Fashion, the passion that has been alive inside of me for as long as i can remember. When I first learned how to talk and walk, I wouldn't let my mom pick out my outfits for me. I had to do it myself. Now? I won't leave the house without looking tip top. Now I'm making my own purses, shirts and shorts, and there is only one person that understands what that means. Nothing matters. Because as hard as I try, YOU JUST WON'T GET IT.

THE SOUNDS, BY THE MORNING LIGHT

don't you dare tell me i am the reason we are here
i spend enough sleepless nights in this bed
to know this isn't just all in my head.

don't you say
that i'm ruining what we've made
we know enough to know we're both to blame
it's like you're leaving but you don't know the way
so i say..

i can't believe myself
i'm wishing to be anyone else
and i'm feeling like all this hell might change something good
in the end

and i, oh i just can't find a reason why
why you intentionally say goodbye
if this mess were up to me, we'd see eye-to-eye
but you get bored and run from the honest life
sometimes it's where you're making me lose my mind
so i'll keep singing...

i can't believe myself
i'm wishing to be anyone else
and i'm feeling like all this hell might change something good
in the end...

it was the look on your face when i called out your name
it was the days waiting for you alone in the rain
take me back to the top when i wish you could stay
now i'm here
it's the first step where i watch you fade away

i can't believe myself
i'm wishing to be anyone else
and i'm feeling like all this hell might change something good
in the end

..oh my god, this town, it feels like a headache...
..you were a safe bet.. a safe bet..
..i'm falling in and out of love.. finally stopping what we were made of..

Just Another Brick In The Wall

I don't understand something. How is it that we can go from decade to decade, and have everything change so drastically? War, peace, fashion, everything. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I just don't get how people go back to past decades for things. For inspiration on war, inspiration on fashion, all that. I mean, people are more into vintage now than ever. Hell, I've been wearing vintage since i was ten. Everything is just so weird now. No one is themselves these days. I just don't get it.

A Little Known Fact

I walked on the red carpet at the Spider Man 2 premiere in London (:

I Have a Crush On You

Okay, so it's a little kid crush. Not an "OMFG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME" kind of crush. I really don't know, ever since the first day I saw you I've gotten butterflies in my tummy everytime I see you or talk to you. It's quite lovely I must admit. We kinda had a "thing" back in October, when we hooked up on my couch, hahaha, but I know that you don't feel the same about me. It was exactly that, a hook up. Considering I asked you what it meant and you said "It was just a hookup," I think I'm safe to say that you don't have a crush on me. But I don't know, maybe you do have a crush on me. But then again, many people have told me to stay away from you. Do I go with what my friends tell me? Or what my gut tells me? :/

Basket Case

Dictionary.com defines "Reject" as:
to discard as useless or unsatisfactory;
something rejected, as an imperfect article.

That's what I am. A reject. Until someone comes along to change the way I think, the way I am, the way I act, I will always be a reject. People see me at a store and pretend they don't know me. People act as if I'm nothing, they treat me like nothing. Because I am nothing. I don't know how to change myself, I don't know how to make everything better. So kiss me goodbye, cruel world, I'm nothing but a speck on dirt in all of your books. Wash me away like you do dirty hands, make me feel even worse than I already do. It's not going to be that difficult.

It's All Over

You see them. You feel them. You trace your fingers along my arms and you try to understand. But you don't. You never will. You don't understand why I take a blade to my skin to feel better. Hell, I don't even know why I do it. This may sound fucked up, but it feels so damn good to feel that blood running down. To know that I stopped the internal pain just long enough to be happy, even if it's for a minute or two. But then it sinks in. What I just did really sinks in. That I have to wear long sleeves for the next month until the wound I just created heals. That I'm going to have to pretend that nothing happened to everyone around me. I don't want to be this anymore. I don't want to be this scarred girl that can't wear certain things in certain months. I don't understand why it can't be more simple. I cry at night, I cry during the day. I wait and I wait for things to get better and they never do. I pretend that things are better, well, at least I try. Most likely, the truth is people see through this mirage, they know what I am deep inside. They know that I have nothing to offer them, that I have scars on my heart and soul, and that I really am nothing. I'm a ghost, I'm a freak, I'm a complete and total reject.

Standing on the Rooftop Ready to Fall

I sit here. Alone, in my mind at least. I know that tomorrow I will wake up and everything will be different. It's a new day. But as of 9:47 P.M., on Christmas Day 2008, I would like to die. It is something I think of everyday. It is something that I wish for each minute. It is something that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Yes, yes, I could always take my own life. Tried that at least five times. My last attempt of my overdose put too much pressure on my family. It put too much pressure on me, to be perfect, to be the baby girl that my parents always wanted. I know they didn't want me to be this. They wanted me to succeed. They wanted me to be the darling Alexa, the ballerina, the photographer. Not the disorder ridden, complicated, son of a bitch that I developed into. I'm sorry, that I'm not what any of you want. I'm sorry that I couldn't be all that you ever wanted. I came out as me.. shouldn't that be good enough? It's not for me. It never will be. I'm going to be a pot head freak for the rest of my life. No matter what you people say, I know what I am. A side show freak. My doctor makes an example out of me. I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore. I just want peace, is that so hard to give me? Is that too much to ask? Please, whoever is up there, tell me what I'm doing wrong. Tell me why I can't be happy. Tell me why these voices won't go away. Tell me why I see the things I see. I just want to know what I did, in this life or a past one, to deserve such a horrific fate.

The Girl All The Bad Guys Want

I have these disorders, you see, that keep me from being me. What I am, deep inside, is a party girl. The girl that's out on the scene every night with a glass in my hand and a cigarette in my mouth. The kind of girl that every single guy wants. I know of these girls, a group of friends, who live in New York. They are exactly what I want to be. They dress how I want to dress, they live the way I want to live, they have every guy after them, and not just for sex, for everything because the guys know what amazing girls they are. I don't have the confidence to be that kind of girl. I don't have the psychological capacity to be that kind of girl. I wear jeans and a tshirt, boots and a coat, and I am me. For some that may be enough, for me that's not. And it's not just how I dress, it's how I act, it's how I think, it's everything. I just want to be a different person. A person that people will actually like. A person that never have to deal with this kind of shit again. I don't want to be me.

Everyone Loves, Some Hate

Why are you putting this on me? I never meant to have you come out as "the bad guy." I'm just trying to get my point across, and not telling you to your face is the best way that I know how. But I've come to the conclusion that I need to let you go. We never were, we aren't, and never will be a thing. To be honest at the moment I hate you. Every single fucking day I go through what I go through with you and you don't seem to give a damn. Fuck you barely even consider me one of your best friends and you have ALWAYS been number one in my book. I'm not going to wait around for you anymore. I'm going to let loose and be who I want to be. I'm not letting my love for you weight me down anymore. I just fucking can't take this bullshit anymore. You will always be one of my best friends but I can't stand this anymore. Fuck all of this, fuck you, and I hope you have a very merry christmas without me in your life for now.

So Alone

I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one that tells me that I'm alone. The one that tells me that no one cares. Then I call him, and he makes everything okay. He always makes everything okay. All I have to do is talk to him, he calms me down, he makes things perfect. So why can't he be mine? He makes me happy. When I talk to him I'm content with everything in my life. But then I snap back into reality and realize that he doesn't feel the same. That I'm not the one that makes him happy. I think about this every single day. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I would take a bullet for him. Why can't he do the same, feel the same, want the same? I wish, I pray, and I beg to God (who I don't even really believe in) that he will one day wake up and say "Alexa, I love you. Always." But guess what? IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. He doesn't love me, never has, and never will. I say this to myself all the time. I say it everyday. That he doesn't love me. That he never will. That nothing will ever change between us. We will go through boyfriends and girlfriends, and nothing will ever change. I could scream it in your face and nothing would ever change. I could FINALLY kiss you and nothing would ever change. I'm sitting here, spilling my heart to you, and nothing will ever change. I want so badly for you to be mine. That you and I could be together. You've explained your side of this to me so many times, I guess I just don't understand. I don't understand that you can call me such a wonderful girl, that any guy would be lucky to have, yet you won't take your chance. Maybe this isn't your chance though. Maybe you're just making me suffer like this until you are ready. That's not fair to me, though, right? You shouldn't make me wait and wait and wait, because I may go through guy after guy, girl after girl, but through them all I just want you. I just want to be yours. I just want us to come to an agreement as to why we are not together. Then I think back to when you told me that you weren't ready for the kind of love I was ready to give to you. That makes me feel horrible. I close my eyes and just think. About everything you've ever told me. The night at the park. The summer day in my room. I missed my chance, and maybe you are punishing me for that. Hell if I know, but I do know that I love you, kid. Simple as that.

Christmas Eve

Christmas is....

TOMORROW! :D

OH MY GODDDDD :D
hehehe.

This Christmas is turning out to be hella weird. For one, I'm off of my mood stabilizer and my anti psychotic, so my bipolar-ness is all over the place. I've had headaches like crazy, my family keeps fighting, and everyone keeps forgetting about me. I had a really nice talk with Paddy last night though, he made everything a little more clear for me. And it's just always nice to talk to my best guy friend as well (: We don't talk enough for my liking haha :b I can't wait for tomorrow when everyone gets to open presents :D

EEEEEEEEEP!

The Monster Under the Bed

When you're a little kiddle, you KNOW that there was a monster under your bed or in your closet. But you grow out of that, right? What if you don't? What if you are seventeen and a half and you still believe that when you fall asleep, there's something, or someone, under your bed, in your closet, hiding in the shower, or anything like that? It's supposed to be easy to overcome, right? Paranoia and anxiety rule my fucking life. You people don't understand what I go through each day. When a car passes by you and you're facing away from it, or it slows down, what's the first thing you think? Probably "Oh man, this guy is creepy." My first thought? "I wonder if I'll be on the news tonight because of a drive by shooting." NOT NORMAL THOUGHTS. How do I overcome this freak thinking? Do I live with it? Do I forget about it? (which is impossible by the way) Do I medicate, MORE? You tell me, because I'm shit out of ideas.

Scars of the Past

They say "You're not alone." They say that 90% of self injurers are teenagers. They say that 75% are female. They also say that 50% of them sexual abuse victims. Three out of three, that's what I am. I'm not a statistic though. I'm not emo. I'm not a freak for having hundreds of scars on my body. I am me. But through it all I am a person that you don't understand. I am a person that you don't want to understand. There is nothing that I can do to change your mind about people who drag straight razors over their body. I'm sick and tired of trying to explain myself when people look at my scars and say, "Oh what happened?" I know, I know, most people are too ignorant to realize that they are opening an internal wound (no pun intended) but seriously? Hmm, there's tons of marks on my arms, thighs, and legs, in neat little rows. I KNOW! I got attacked by a lawn mower! I actually told that to an eight year old boy at the pool a few years back, his reaction? "WOW THAT'S SO COOL!" Back to the point, I don't know what to do about urges anymore. All these urges to rip open veins, to stop the pain inside by hurting myself on the outside. I've slipped up too many times to stay clean. I'm addicted. Now, before you say "Oh that's bullshit, you can't be addicted to hurting yourself," yes. Yes you can. It is a proven FACT, NO I did not read it on fucking wikipdedia, that self injury can be just as addicting as drugs and alcohol. Why? Because you're doing it all for the same reasons. To stop the hurt. To stop the pain that comes with everyday life. Now all these bitches who have perfect lives, but OH NOOOO! My parents won't let me go to this party! *cut cut cut* FUCK YOU. It's not meant to be an attention seeking action. It's not even meant to stop the pain. It's not meant for anything. But attention seeking is the last thing on the list. I hide my scars. I hide my cuts when I have them. I'm not doing this for attention you ignorant fucks. Yes, I talk about it in my blogs. ONLY because I have no one to talk to about it. So I get it out there the only way that I know how. And before you judge me on all of this, ask yourself something. Have you ever looked at a razor and thought, "just once.." ?

it's the end of the world as we know it.

I'm numb. I can't feel anything but this sunken feeling that I want to die. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think, I don't know anything. No one understands this, and I think that's the hardest part. I'm in this pit of destruction, and the bug won't stop biting until I'm dead. I have a horrible headache ninety nine percent of the time. I just want to be left alone, but when I'm alone I wallow in this pit of despair too much. But when I'm around people I just want shoot myself or someone else. How am I supposed to function like this? I'm tired of having to explain myself to everyone when know one fucking gets it.

All The Way Home I'll Be Warm

Ahhh snowww (: The joyous holiday is only one week away, and hopefully it will snow. Tomorrow my dad turns fifty, yeeep! the big five-oh. Me and my dad have had our ups and downs but I'm glad to be spending his half-century birthday with him. Saturday is the annual Boyce Family Christmas Party, cannnn't wait for that :D I have the cutest outfit planned (: My cousin Haley is spending the night on Saturday too, so that will be fun to catch up with her since we have not spent a lot of time together recently. I'm really down about my cousin Stefan going to Iraq though. I mean, Sunday may have been the last time I will ever see him. I can't believe that. I can't believe that someone I love so dearly might die. He's doing this for his own reasons and I respect that fully, I just hope he never loses sight of the love that his family, including cousins, aunts and uncles, has for him. Well I'm off, going to go take some pictures in the snow now that my 35mm is working :D

Color My World

You, m'dear, are my everything. You have shown me the color in my dark, dark world. What I would do without you, I just can't imagine. I miss you. So much. Please come back, and stay. I love you.

Pretty Letdown

I was shattered. Broken, bruised, burned and scarred. I was scared to the end of my wits and I didn't know what to do. Everything was hazy, I could barely see but I knew that I was in danger. I was in the hands of you, and I knew that I would end up dead if I didn't escape from this place soon. I was terrified, knowing where I was and what was going to happen. I waited until everything was silent, and I broke the emotional chain that was keeping me inside your mind. I walked down the street, half naked, a broken girl, just wandering until someone found me.

I Remember

When you were my rock. When you were the road that lead me to my destination. I remember when you and I were nothing less then best friends, and nothing could keep us apart. Well, at least talking wise. I don't know, maybe I'm completely off base. Maybe we were never as good of friends as I thought. Hahahaha, or MAYBE, you've always loved me just as much as I love you, but you just pretend not to. Hahaha, no. I remember the days when I was your number one. When no one came before me, and you came before everyone else for me. But those were the old days. Now? EVERYONE comes before me. You're still my number one, kid. You always will be. Why? Well, don't play dumb. We all know why. I guess I just wanted to say, that we both know that we're drifting apart. We both know that nothing will be the way that it used to, because I fucked everything up. I always fuck everything up. I guess that's the only thing that I'm good at. I just want us to be... I don't know. Maybe I need to forget that I blew my chance with you. I need to realize that we will not ever, for the rest of our lives, be together. I just need to realize... but it's easier said than done, right?

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Today, it snowed! The first snow since the start of the year, and it's not supposed to let up for a while (: I'm so excited, though the snow really does remind me of someone I hate >:| But I'm not going to let him get in the way of a good holiday this year. Everything is crashing down around me, but I'm more than excited for this Christmas. I get to see my cousin Stephan tomorrow, who is on his birthday leave from his duties as a Marine in Iraq, and I get to see his sister Mikaela, who has been in rehab for the last year. I havn't seen either of them in forever, and I can't wait to be reunited with them. Then next weekend is the annual Boyce Family Christmas Party, which NO ONE misses (except for Ian and Brittnie because they are having a baby, so that's excused :D) I'm just really excited to spend the holiday season with family and friends, and my dad's 50th birthday is on the 19th, so I'll be at his house next weekend, and I get to see all my Bremerton friends too! Well I'm getting miiiiiiiiighty sleepy, so I'll update tomorrow! Night!

Just For The Hell Of It

It was dark. I was quiet. I didn't want to disturb the sleeping, or perhaps, the dead. I waited at the end of your street for you to come walking down it. I waited. And I waited. After about forty five minutes, I got sick of waiting. Understandable, right? But secretly I would have waited my entire lifetime. Don't you understand? I'm still waiting. Three years later. And it might actually happen this time. Finally. The one person I've always wanted, MIGHT finally be mine. (:

We Were Invincible

Inhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Repeat.
These are the times that I miss. With you. The times when we were invincible. The times when absolutely nothing could or was going to stop us. The times when I saw dead Japanese girls in the middle of the streets, and you did everything you could to keep me from freaking out. The times where everything was just perfect. Because it was you, and me, and the night sky. The limits were broken, the rules were shattered, the laws were passed by. We didn't care. Until you started to care. And then you started to care too much. And then I started to care too much. And then it became too much of a mess for either of us to deal with, so we gave up. We both gave up on one of the most important friendships I've ever had in my life. We both gave up.

This Is Me

This is me. I am a seventeen year old girl, who has been categorized as an "indie vintage chick." I have a heart of gold and a bright personality, a smile that can shine for all the world to see and beyond blue eyes that are gateways to a soul that is sweeter than candy. I am the accumulated possibilities of everything I've ever done, and my past experiences make me into one hell of girl. I am a child at heart, and what innocence I have left is for the world to soak up. I have a good time at whatever I do, but photography, writing and modeling are the three things that fuel my life. I'm living my life to the fullest, as no one but myself, Alexa Marie Miller. I am human. I am me.

Maybe Somday, I'll Be Something More

I have this horrible feeling that one day you will forget all about me. Hell, maybe one day has already come. I'm not in contact with you anymore, so I have no way of finding out, but I know that one day you WILL forget about me. Forget the memories we had, the plans we made, the four hour late night phone calls. But then there are the bad memories. The times when you made me think you were dead. All the break-up's that we went through. All the lies you told me. All the dreams I've had about you, when you show up on my door step with flowers and you say "I'm sorry for lying to you, I really do exist." I guess I should re-word the beginning of this post. If you don't exist you can't remember me or forget about me, but the person that made you up can. I won't forget you. Or the person that I think made you up. Because you never forget your first love. Never. I've been told so many times to forget about you. To just leave it alone, to just forget that we were ever "in love." How am I supposed to do that? How the hell am I supposed to just drop every single feeling that I still have for you? Everything that I have ever felt for you is still burning strong inside my heart. I have one picture left of you on my computer. I can not bring myself to delete it. I deleted your phone number. I deleted your picture off my phone. I deleted all of your adorable texts that you sent me. At least off of this phone. I still have texts on my old phone, Back from early to mid 2007, back when we were strong and nothing could break us. Then everything DID break us. Over and over again. As my mom says "Why would you pick him? He broke your heart so many times and you were miserable because he treated you like shit." That's what I was to you, huh? A test subject, a mouse in a maze.

The Truth

1. I miss when you didn't care about anything, and NOTHING could stop us.

2. You'll always be one of my best friends no matter what we go through ^___^

3. I feel sorry for the choices you've made.

4. I hate you. SO FUCKING MUCH. I almost can't stand it sometimes.

5. You're the most annoying person I have ever met in my entire life. Quit snorting. bahahaha.

6. I wish I had never met you. My life would be so much easier without your bullshit drama in it.

7. Everyday that I don't see you, I miss you even more.

8. It's been seven months since I last heard your voice, yet it haunts my dreams every night.

9. I want to hang out with you again. Hah, easier said than done...

10. Ever since you came into the picture, me and my best friend hardly get to see each other anymore.

11. Back the fuck up. Seriously.

12. You've completely lost your mind.

13. I need you.

14. I wish we talked more, I really enjoy it when we do talk.

15. I'm not an idiot. I know you used me. So does the rest of the world. Now you just need to admit it to yourself.

16. I want an apology. From you, you, you, you, and you.

17. Whatta you say we leave for California?

18. You're slowly, but surely, killing me.

19. Get your own best friend and STOP STEALING MINE.

20. I miss April of 2008.

21. What if I can't choose just one?

22. You'll never guess this is about you, because you're an ignorant piece of shit.

23. I will always, always, always, love you.

24. No matter what your sister or ex girlfriend says, you and I both know what happened that year.

25. You little shit.

26. Know your place.

27. Get the fuck out of my life. And hers.

28. I can't decide how I feel about you anymore.

29. I'm not going to patiently wait for you to decide that you're ready for me.

30. Sorry, I don't play that game.

31. You are a wolf in sheep's clothing.

32. You make it very evident that you're barely sixteen.

33. You deserve the world. He is not the world.

34. You are the reason that I am dead inside.

35. BOTH OF YOU, took my innocence, my soul, my heart, my happiness. I WANT IT BACK.

36. Don't pretend you don't remember January 10th 2007. You know you do.

37. You getting stuck in the snow on the way home from house two years ago, all the while you had to pee like a bitch, and it took you four and a half hours to get home, was poetic justice for me.

38. I'd STILL gladly watch you die.

39. I never feel more alive when I'm with you.

40. There's a thin line between having fun and being immature. You, m'dear, need to find that line.

41. I just... I miss you.

42. How come we can't have the fun times we used to?

43. GROW UP AND GET OVER YOURSELF.

44. Your hair is so fucking ugly I can't stand it.

45. I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry.

46. You brought this upon yourself.

47. I miss how our friendship used to be.

48. You both have let too many other people get in the way of us being best friends.

49. Your taste in music sucks so horribly bad.

50. I hope something good comes out of this.

51. I hope we can work things out in the end.

52. I would hate to lose you after three years of friendship.

53. Let's make a new start, kay?

54. I honestly don't know what I would do without you in my life.

55. I feel like we're on a plummeting airplane that just won't crash.

56. I wish things could be the way they used to be.

57. Everything is different now.

58. I hate you.

59. Fuck you. Seriously.

60. I want to get to know you more. So, so, so, so badly.

61. Dance with me?

62. Oh dearrrryyy me, I like you lots (:

63. You're still my best friend, even if I'm not yours.

64. I have nothing left to say to you.

65. STAY OUT OF MY LIFE.

66. You lie through your teeth and everyone's fucking sick of it.

67. You ruined EVERYTHING for me.

68. I'd like to stab you. Right now.

69. What do YOU do when you're out of idea's?

70. I want you. (;

71. Give it up already, you're never going to phase me.

72. Come to Seattle so I can meet you. Both of you.

73. I wish we would hang out more. I mean seriously? We live like ten minutes from each other.

74. You suck at your "photography."

75. Just because shit went down between us doesn't mean you aren't my best friend anymore.

76. Please stay.

77. I don't think I mean as much to you as you mean to me.

78. I just miss you. Plain and simple.

I'm Not a Stranger, No, I Am Yours

Everyone has best friends. People that you just... love more. Well what if for the last three years you havn't felt like you were good enough for one of your best friends? One of the few people you trust with all of your secrets, all of your memories. The only person that you trust with your life. The person that you don't know what you would do without if they disappeared from your life. Maybe this is all my fault. I mean, I am the one that said I loved you. To this day I don't know if I really meant it. Maybe because I know that you will never love me back... Maybe it just hurts too bad to know that we will never be, so I'm coiling back because I don't want to get hurt... again. But honestly? I don't know what I would do if I had never met you. Even if you don't consider me a "best friend." Even if we are nothing more than "just friends." I will always be there, right by your side. Nothing will ever pull me away from you. Because, kid, I care about you that much.

this thing repeats itself a lotttt

100. WHAT'S YOUR PROFILE SONG & WHY?
my main profile song is a playlist, and my personal profile song is "pretty letdown" by erik and ethan (:
and why? because i wanted a lot of songs, and i reallyyyy like "pretty letdown"

99. DO YOU HAVE A JOB?
i'm hired by my mom to clean the house every week

98. MIDDLE NAME?
marie.

97. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE?
maybeeeee

96. LIED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS?
probably

94. WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU TOOK A PLANE TO?
floridaaa

93. WHAT IS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Elf

92. WHAT MAKES YOU MAD?
a lot of things

91. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
model/photographer

90. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
alexa

88. DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX YOU CAN TALK TO?
paddy, for sure. i used to have pablo as well.. bleeeh.

87. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
a brother,
let's say i'm from earth and he's... not.

86. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
in the living room, freezing my batootie off

84. WHAT DOES THE 7TH MESSAGE IN YOUR INBOX SAY ON YOUR PHONE?
i'm too lazy to look :|

83. ARE YOU TAKEN? IF SO ARE YOU HAPPY?
not taken, not happy

82. WHAT IS SITTING TO YOUR LEFT RIGHT NOW?
christmas lights :D

81.WHERE IS YOUR MOM RIGHT NOW?
at worrrkkk

80. DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?
lol nooo

79. WHO IS THE 5TH PERSON YOU GOT A MISSED CALL FROM YOUR CELL PHONE?
most likely my dad

78. CLOSEST BLACK OBJECT?
my phone

76. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
"we intertwine" by the hush sound (:

75. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
not really, unless i'm listening to my ipod my speaker which i can't find the plug for...

74. DO YOU OWN ANY PETS?
fishyy

72. LAST TIME YOU LISTENED TO COUNTRY MUSIC?
never on purpose haha

69. WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS?
clowns is my main one, the rest are too many to name

68. WHAT CAN YOU HEAR NOW?
music

67. HOW MANY DRUGS ARE IN YOUR SYSTEM NOW?
two kinds of sleeping meds, anti psychotic/bipolar med, and birth control.
oh plus the anti anxiety i'm about to take

65. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
jammie pants and a tank top

64. LAST PERSON TO COMMENT YOU?
on myspaceee? this girl i've never met before, but i'm warning her about john casablanca's and about how they are a scammmm

63. DO YOU SING?
i tryyy

62. SCREAMO OR COUNTRY?
neither thanks

61.ROCK OR RAP?
rock

60. DO YOU LIKE CHEESE?
i probably couldn't live without it haha

58. WHO LAST CALLED YOU?
most likely my dad

57. WHAT BRAND OF SHOES DO YOU WEAR DAILY?
i wear different shoes everyday..

56. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?
this and talking to the lovely karen on msn (:

55. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED?
my mom most likely

54. WOULD YOU DIE FOR SOMEONE?
my family

53. LATEST THING YOU'VE RECENTLY LEARNED?
i don't know, i don't really learn lessons that well :|

52. ARE YOU COLD NOW?
freeeeezing

51. WHAT DO YOU SMELL?
the christmas treee!

50. IS ANYTHING BOTHERING YOU RIGHT NOW?
yes.

48. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW?
idno!

47. IF YOUR EX WANTED YOU BACK, WOULD YOU TAKE THEM BACK?
depends on which ex you're talking about,
most of them, fuck no. not after what they did to me.
two of them? one of which isn't real.. yes.

44. BED SHEET COLOR?
white with flowersss

43. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE NOW?
family and friendsss

42. CAN YOU SWIM?
not very well >_<

35. UNITED STATES OR CANADA?
too hard to choooooseee!

34. WHAT TIME IS IT?
10:45 am

32. JEANS OR SWEATPANTS?
sweatpantsss!

31.WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING?
school

30. ARE YOU GONNA DO IT?
ehhhh

29. DO YOU HAVE SOCKS ON?
nope

28. DO YOU OWN BIG SUNGLASSES?
yeeep

27. HAVE YOU CRIED SO HARD YOU MADE YOURSELF SICK?
yes

26. DO YOU LIKE TECHNO?
depends on the kind. some of it SUCCCCKS.
some is good ^_^

23. HAVE YOU RECENTLY TALKED TO YOUR MOST RECENT EX?
yeep, yesterday, i want my damn sweatshirt back!

19. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
C.S.I.

18. DO YOU LIKE 80'S MOVIES?
out of my top five favorite movies:
1. titanic;
2. stand by me;
3. pretty in pink;
4. the goonies;
5. the breakfast club;
FOUR OF THEM ARE 80's MOVIES :D

17.DO YOU LIKE -POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME- BY -DEF LEPPARD-
eeeh

16. DO YOU DANCE TO IT?
nope

15. WHAT KINDA MUSIC DO YOU LIKE?
indie & acoustic

13. BEST CITY YOU'VE VISTED?
london or cardiff

12. BEEN TO LONDON?
haha yess!

11.CAN YOU LICK YOUR TOE?
yes

10. FAVORITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL?
american lit

9. BEEN TO COLLEGE?
nope

7. FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
evening, around six

6. EVER LICKED SOMEONES CHEEK?
haha yeeep

5. SEEN ALL THE SPIDERMAN MOVIES?
nope

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
autumn and winter

3. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO?
sleep haha

2. EVER GOTTEN LOST IN THE DARK?
ayyee yes :|

1. WHERE IS YOUR NUMBER 1 at?
at school i'd hope


THE UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY.
(lets see if you can get through it. if not; you're too scared about your past)

- Longest relationship:
almost a year, off and on

- Shortest relationship:
like two days, bahaha

- How many people have told you that they loved you as more than a friend?
a fewwww

- Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with?
yes. twice actually.

- Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
once :/ still hurts :/

- Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
yeah ):

- Are you happier single or in a relationship?
both. i have my days for each.

- Have you ever been cheated on?
ugggies, yes ):

- Have you ever had your heart broken?
a couple of times.
okay just about everytime i've been dumped

- Have you ever broken someone's heart?
so i've been told

- would you Talk to any of your ex's?
i do

- If you could go back in time and change things to where you could,would you?
yeeep

- Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
yes but i have my bad moments.

- Have you dated people who were not good to you?
story of my life

- Have you been in an abusive relationship?
emotionally, soooo many times

- Have you liked someone older then you?
yeep

- Dated someone younger then you?
not that i can remember

- Do you regret anything that you have or havent done with a boyfriend or girlfriend?
yes.

- Believe in love at first sight?
sorta

- Ever dated two people at once?
not that i can remember

- Ever been given an Engagement ring?
twice..

- Do you have something to say to any of your ex'S?
oh god yes.

- Ever stole someones boyfriend or girlfriend?
you could say that. then i found out he was still dating her.
:|

- Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?
chyeaaah.


When/What was the last...

time you got a letter: foreverrr ago!
an email: yesterday
a phone call: the day before yesterday :|
thing u purchased: fooood
TV show u watched: the simpsons!
movie u saw in theatres: changelingggg
kissed: kc :|
hugged: my mom
song u heard: landlocked blues by bright eyesss
place u were (besides home): kfc :D haahah
u were depressed: everyday of my whole life :|
u were in the hospital: like two weeks ago, for stevens-johnson syndrome :|


What comes to mind when u hear...

car: need one
cell: phone
shoe: high heeeels!
fun: roller coaster
crush: someonneee
music: i'm listening to it right now ^_^
Chalk: nails on a chalk board :|
Ship: titanic!


*INFO*

name: alexa marie miller
age: 17
height: 5'9"
weight: 125-130lbs
hometown: bremerton, wa
currently living: woodinville, wa
eye color: blueee
hair color: naturally brown with blond and red highlights, blackish brown atm
tatoos: i have a few in mind (:
piercings: ears a million times and my nose
kids: not yet
screen name: lexstasy junkie

*YOUR*

bedtime: whenever i take my meds
best physical feature: probs my boobs hahahahaha :| or my creepily long legs haha
car: need one
style: been told it's indie/"top model-y"
longest relationship: almost a year
most overused phrase: "hahaha" and "i don't know"
most missed memory: any night i spent with pablo summer of 2007 ):
first thought waking up: "what time is itttt"
weakness: cute people (:
Fears: clowns
zodiac sign: virgo
hobbies: photography and modeling
goals: become a professional model and photographer by the age of 19

*FRIENDS*

best: carissa, lisa, allie, hayley, paddy, kimmie, and karen (:
prettiest: all of them!
loudest: hayley and allie :b
coolest: all of them (:
wierdest: hayley
craziest: hayley haha
funniest: karen :b

*FAVORITES*

color: turquoise
food: tacos and french friesss
candy: smarties :b
pizza: pepperoni
cereal: OOPS! all berries! :D
alcoholic drink: don't driiinkk
non-alcoholic drink: root beer and black cherry kool aid (:
fruit: green apples with no peels ;D
cake: chocolateee
book: ahhh too many to pick! probably polly, i loveee that book
sport: baseball and basketball (to watch at least haha)
movie: titanic!
tv show: C.S.I. and law and order:svu!
actor: leonardo dicaprio :D
actress: hmm. idno!
music: indie and acoustic
month: november and december
number: don't have one.
holiday: christmas :D
restaurant: red robinnn!
flower: tulips
shoes: my oxford heels (: or my little black boots :D
brand: idno
store: anything vintage

*THIS OR THAT*

pepsi/coke: coca cola for sureee
chocolate/vanilla: chocolate
white/black: i don't do opposites
tea/juice: eww
hugs/kisses: hugs
cats/dogs: cats
love/money: how about a rich love :D
mcdonald's/burger king: mcdonalds
rain/snow: snowww
summer/winter: winter

*HAVE U EVER*

been in love: with someone that wasn't real.. yess ):
been rejected: of course
got beat up: hahhh no
cheated on someone: nope
shoplifted: when i was like 8
ran away: tried when i was little haha
skipped school: who hasn't?
ate sushi: noooo
been on stage: maaaany times
been drunk: like twice in my entire life
been called a tease: hahah yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah
been arrested: nooo
gone skinny dipping: nope
been on a pity date: don't think so ahah

*IN THE PAST MONTH*

drank: nope
smoked: nope
had sex: :|
been to a mall: yes
got in a fight: nope
told a lie: yeah
been out of state: nope

*WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON*

touched: my mom
kissed: kc
hugged: my mom
yelled at: probs my mom
bought u something: m mom
texted: lisa
called: my dad
called u: my dad
texted u: lisa
told u loved: my mom
told u they loved u: my mom
made u cry: kc
brighten ur day: karen!

*FINISH EACH SENTENCE*

lets walk on the: beach
lets run through the: car wash
lets look at the: stars
what a nice: boddd ;D hahaha
where did all the: good guys go?
silly little: bitch

*AT THIS MOMENT*

what are u listening to: nightmare of you
what are u eating: carmel apple dip :b
what shoes are u wearing: none
what are u thinking: ):
what time is it 1:20 pm (i took a huuuge break since the last time it asked the time :b)



Basic.

Name? alexa
Birthday? september 5th
Age? 17
Hometown? bremerton, wa


Appearance.

Height: 5'9"
Body type(Slim, athletic, chubby, etc): normal?
Shoe size: 7.5 - 8
Pants size: anywhere from a 3 to a 5, or a 26 to 27
Shirt size: medium
Skin tone: paleeee
Eye color: blue
...You like it? better than having NO eyes
Hair color: currently? realllllllllly dark brown
...You like it? i want my natural color baccck
Ever dyed your hair? soooo many times
Hair length: just past my chin
Do you wear makeup? (guys and girls): nope, sometimes mascara but only if i'm trying to look extra pretty (:


This or That:]

Cats or dogs? cats
Myspace or Facebook? myspace. facebook is confusing
iPod or MP3? ipod
Las Vegas or Reno? las vegas
Up or down? down
Gucci or Coach? coach
Angelina Jolie orJennifer Aniston? neither
CDs or cassetes? ipod please :D
CVS or Walgreens? either
Walmart or Target? target
Hot Topic or American Eagle? american eagle
Pen or pencil? pen
Colored pencils or markers? colored penicls
School or work? neitherrrr
Guys or girls? both haha
Day or night? night
Books or TV? books
Sunglasses or hats? hats!
Earphones or headphones? headphones
Photography or painting? photography
Artistic or athletic? artistic
Tall or short? tall
Laptop or desktop? desktop
AIM or MSN? msn
Glasses or contacts? neither
Taco Bell or Wendy's? EW EW EW
Panera Bread or Olive Garden? ewwww
Applebee's or Chili's? applebee's (:
Hello Kitty or Foster's Home? fosters home!
Futurma or Family Guy? family guy :D
Grey's Anantomy or House M.D.? house
Seinfeld or Scrubs? neither thanks
Proper grammar or "txt talk." proper grammar
Pie or cake? cake for sure
Disney or Warner Brothers? disney!
Moon or stars? stars
Pillow or blanket? both
Beer or hard liquor? neither thanks
Hot Shots or Space Balls? space balls :b
LOTR or Star Wars? star wars for sureee
Lipstick or lip gloss? lip gloss
MTV or VH1? vh1
FUSE or MTV2? mtv2 because idno was fuse is
Law and Order: Criminal Intent or Law and Order: SVU? svu :D
Blind or deaf? blind
NYC or Chicago? new yorkkk!
Magents or stickers? magnets !
Romantic comedy or romance tragedy? how about a scary movie :D
iPod or cell phone? cell phone
Old school rap or new rap? ew
Couch or bed? bed
CD or DVD? dvd
Seeing a movie in theatres or renting one at home? go so it :D my brother works at the theater so i get in for free :D

.:Favorites:.

Color: turquoise
Number: dont have one
Movie(s): titanic
Book(s): polly, or my friend leonard
TV Show: C.S.I.
Clothing store: anything vintage
Season: autumn and winter
Month: november
Day of the week: saturday
Time of day: evening
Decade: seventies and eighties :D
Scent: christmas trees!
Commercial: anything with the gecko!
Band(s): nightmare of you
Solo artist(s): uhhh none
Song(s): my name is trouble by nightmare of you
Computer game: detective barbie! :D hahhahahah
Videogame: animal crossing (:
Holiday: chrimstas
Emotion: happiness
Television channel: channel 7
Boy's name: kingston
Girl's name: kennedy and sophie
Subject in school: american lit
Flavor of ice cream: chocolate chocolate chip (:
Cookie: chocolate chip (:
Meal: tacos!
Fast food place: mcdonalds
Type of food(Chinese, Italian...): american
City: london
Beach: hmm idno
Country: england and ireland
Sport: baseball and basketball
Outdoor activity in the Spring? picking flowers (:
The Summer? swimming!
How 'bout Fall? you mean autumn. i like crunching leaves :D
And Winter? making snow angles!
Animal: panda!
Cartoon charachter: idno
Poem: the raven by edgar allan poe
Quote: "i figure life's a gift and i don't intend on wasting it"
Word: idno
Website: lookbook
Magazine: nylon and N.E.E.T
Radio station: 107.7
Tiime of day to sleep: whenever i'm tired


Currently.

What are you feeling? bored-ness
Are you listening to music? yes
Who are you talking to online? was talking to karen but she's in the shower now D:
What are you wearing? jammie pants, a tank top and a sweatshirt
What room of the house are you in? living room
What are you excited about? chrismtas! and all the things that go along with it!
Aro you talking to anyone on the phone? no
Drinking? nothing
What are you watching? nothing
Are you worried about anything? i'm worried about my mommyyy!


Have.You.Ever.

Kissed someone in the rain? yes
Gone on a cruise? nope
Been on a plane? yes
Been out of the state? yes
Been out of the country, for that matter? yes
Bullied someone? not on purpose
Been bullied? ohhh yes
Nearly died? yes
Met a famous person? yes (:
Said that you hated the world? don't think so
Bungee jumped? no
Skydived? no
Been to a dance? finally, yes
Gotten a nose bleed? haha yeah
Flunked a grade? nope.. well kinda yeah
Thought of killing yourself? chyeaaah :/
Gone fishing? yees
Helped a stranger? yes
Kissed a stranger? no
Hugged a stranger? no
Had sex with a stranger? fuck that
Been fired from a job? nope
Felt emotionally drained? when i was dating my ex boyfriend
Stayed up for more then 48 hours? 52 is my record!
Been online for more then 10 hours at a time? of course i have hahaha
Volunteered? yeahhh
Broken the law? haha
Thought of a family member in a sexual way? uhm no?
Kissed a dog? on the top of the head yeah
How 'bout a cat? yep!
Had a movie marathon? yeees, hopefully kimmie can come over for new years and we can have one :D
Been to the mall? yes
Been out of the country with only your friends? i wisssh!
Been on a road trip with just your friends? nope ):
Been in a car for more then 7 hours with the same people? yeeep
Won a spelling bee? in like 2nd grade haha
Won anything? yeeep
Been to a concert? quite a few
Been kissed? yes
Kissed someone? yes
Told someone you loved them and meant it? yeah
Told someone you loved them and DIDN'T mean it? heh yeaaah
Been to a Halloween party? yees!
Overdressed for an event? noppe
Secretly enjoyed seeing someone else get hurt? yes.
Broken someone's heart? so i've been told
Had your heart broken? maaaaany times
Had children? nah
Cheated on your significant other? no
Been cheated on? yeeep
Wished you could get away with something? haha oh i already got away with it (;
Went crowd surfing? no
Been in a mosh pit? asfdkljsfldk no
Had a fight with someone through AIM or MSN? hahaha when i was dating "tieler", sooo many times
Had fun just hanging with your family? yeeah
Felt like you needed to say something important but didn't? yeaah
Been high? maaany times
Hmm, drunk? twice
Woken up in a strange place? nope
Been to the emergency room? twice ):
Lost someone close to you? more then one person actually
Cried yourself to sleep? yes
Cried so hard you threw up? yes :/
Literally ran out of tears? yeah
Eaten something gross for money? nooo
Eaten something gross for FREE?! no
Been to an amusement park? chyeaaah
Been to a gym? yeeep
Been lost in a city? haha yeaah
Been in a casino? nope
Gambled? me and allie used to bet nail polish and hair clips while playing go fish :b hahaha
Met someone through MySpace/Facebook? oh yes.
Been hospitalized for more them a week? yes. twice.
Lived outside the country? nope
Been to Tim Hortons? been PAST it, never inside though
Been to Starbucks? yeeep
Had a long distance relationship? ): yeees
How about a summer fling? chyeah


I'm going to name some bands and you say if you like them or not.

Yeah Yeah Yeah's. kinda
The Hush Sound. yes!
Men, Women & Children. who?
The Arctic Monkey's. yes
The Higher. sometimes
Young Love. yes (:
The Oohlas. who?
The Rocket Summer. oh yesss
Forever The Sickest Kids. i'm listening to them right now xD
We Are Scientists. no
Cold War Kids. no
Cartel. sometimes
Hollywood Undead. depends on the song
Bloc Party. no
Jack's Mannequin. depends on my mood
Mindless Self Indulgence. never listened to them
Paramore. their old stuff, yes
Tegan And Sara. sometimes
The New Pornographers. who?
The Dresden Dolls. fuck no
Cobra Starship. yes
Panic! at the Disco. their old stuff
The Shins. yeees
Death Cab For Cutie. yeep
Zox. who?
The White Stripes. no
The Killers. yeah
Modest Mouse. oh yes!
The Decemberists. who?
Arcade Fire. eh
The Fratellis. yeep!
The New Amsterdam's. who?
The Starting Line. yeees!
Powerspace. who?
The Academy Is... older stuff
Porcelain and the Tramps. no
I AM GHOST. no
Taking Back Sunday. yeah
Sherwood. one song by them
Boys Like Girls. yeeep
The Cardigans. who?
Coldplay. no
Maroon 5. not really
Pink Floyd. yes
Queen. yes
Blink-182. sometimes
Gnarls Barkley. eh
Red Hot Chli Peppers. NO NO NO NO NO NO
U2. no
Beck. one song
Blue October. who?
Gym Class Heroes. a few songs
Cute Is What We Aim For. older stufff
Hellogoodbye. oh boy do they remind me of bad times :| but also when my room was clean! hahah


Random/Odd questions.

Do you wish prostition was legal? hahahah
Are you in love with photography? no, im dedicated.
Do you eat an extreme amount of pickles? ewww
Are you a vegetarian? nope
Do you actually enjoy reading classic novels? define "classic"
How many pairs of underwear do you own? why the fuck would i count them?
How many groups do you belong to on Facebook? one
Is Tom still on your friend's list? haha i have no idea
Do you memorize random facts? sometimes
Do you fall for Internet advertisements? no
Do you carry your iPod with you everywhere? no
Are you a conformist? nooo. conforming is fuckeeeed
Do you enjoy boys in tight jeans? sometimes (:
Does karma really exist? oh yes. and boy is it a bitch
How about Ying and Yang? idno
Don't you just love Chinese food? no, i don't.
Are you freakishly tall? yes
Are you fearless? sometimes
Do you have a weird obsession with vampire books, movies and TV shows? NO. i'm not a fucking twlight freak.
Do you like watching music videos? when nessa is in them, YES :D
Are you someone who people generally like? if you get on my good side, yes.
Do you like 100% white grape juice? are you talking about?
Do you enjoy shiny things? sometimes
Is your flat iron your best friend? it keeps me sane hahah
Do you keep a journal? kinda, more like this blog is my diary
Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? nope. it once came out in a donut hole :b

Three Is The Magic Number (stolen from the lovely Karen)

Three things that scare me:
1) Not knowing what I want to do with my life;
2) Not finding someone that i am hopelessly devoted to and am completely and utterly happy with;
3) Clowns. Haha :|

Three people who make me laugh:
1) Lisa;
2) Hayley;
3) Karen.

Three Things I love:
1) Texting;
2) My family;
3) True friends.

Three Things I hate:
1) Depression, and all the accompanying feelings/thoughts;
2) Being disappointed in;
3) Anxiety.

Three things I don't understand:
1) Why people lie to others, or lead them on;
2) Life;
3) People in general.

Three things on my desk:
1) A lamp;
2) My phone;
3) My camera.

Three things I'm doing right now:
1) Typing;
2) Listening to "and just like it I blow that shit, cause bitch I'm the bomb like tick, tick";
3) Thinking.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1) Find someone I love and settle down with them, have kids, etc;
2) Travel and have great experiences;
3) A job that I enjoy.

Three things I can do:
1) Listen to people;
2) Love;
3) Self-destruct.

Three ways to describe my personality:
1) Quirky;
2) Insane;
3) Interesting.

Three things I can't do:
1) Let go and forget;
2) Get close to (99 % of) people;
3) Decide what I want to do with my life.


SORRY KAREN D;
i kept like half of your answers hah :|

I HATE This Picture

I feel chained. Like I can't break free from this mold of mental defects and diseases. I feel like I'm so far gone that I can not, will not, just can't, get away from myself. How am I supposed to feel like things are better, when I know that they aren't? Every tells me to "live in the moment" and to "not let the little things get to me." Easier said then done, my friend. Everything that I have worked for, for my entire life, is gone. I'm failing school and pretty much dropped out for first semester. (I highly doubt that these online classes will get done)I've been in and out of mental hospitals for the last two years, I've completely fucked over my reputation thanks to not thinking, and everything is just ruined. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to function with all this shit going on inside my head.


I HATE THE PICTURE THAT I USED >:|
i always think that she's going to look up at me or something :/

101

101. My full name is Alexa Marie Miller

100. Im really insecure.

99. I used to eat pudding out of a straw when i was little.

98. I am terrified of clowns and the dark (many more things but too many to type)

97. Eye contact creeps me out.

96. I have horrible insomnia, i have to take medication to sleep.

95. I hate when people say "OMG" in real life.

94. Ive broken 3 bones, all on my foot (from doing really stupid things)

93. I have 2 scars on my forehead from falling down an escalator.

92. I love guys with lip piercings.

91. I love techno music.

90. When im home alone i dance around in my undies.

89. I have two "sisters" (allie and hayley)

88. I have an older brother, him and I are getting closer everyday and I'm very pleased (:

87. I tell my mom almost everything, she's one of my best friends.

86. I don't have a good relationship with my dad.

85. If you say shit about me, i honestly don't care. I have better things to do then listen to your bull shit.

84. I hate awkward silences, they creep me out.

83. I talk really fast.

82. I basically live off of water, chips, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes.

81. I apparently have a "seattle accent." (whatever the fuck that is)

80. I hate the word "chin."

79. My cousins Aaron and Michael are like my brothers.

78. I have a disturbing obsession with murder and death.

77. I've gotten 7 cavities filled.. all in one day :|

76. I love drawing, but i'm no good at it.

75. I hate typing "lol," but someone got me into saying it. I prefer saying "haha."

74. I throw food into the road and watch cars run it over.

73. I'm up for anything. I'm really outgoing, once I'm comfortable with you.

72. I hate when people I've never talked to run up to me and go "OMG I KNOW YOU FROM MYSPACE"

71. When i was 3 i stuck a bead up my nose and had to go to the hospital.

70. I can speak a TIIINYYY bit of Romanian

69. Me and one of my best friends always talk about sex. It's funny.

68. I've gone "swimming" in a puddle in a rainstorm before.

67. I used to hate thunder storms but ever since I went to florida, I love them.

66. I love being scared, yet I hate it at the same time.

65. I'm really good at writing and my favorite subject is English.

64. When I have my own house, I'm going to invite everyone over all the time and just have parties 24/7 :]

63. I have Social Anxiety Disorder, also known as Social Phobia, so i get freaked out in large social situations.

62. I love foreign techno.

61. I don't like Dr. Pepper.

60. If i was a vegetarian, i would make an exception just for chicken nuggets.

59. When I laugh, my eyes water and it looks like I'm crying.

58. I make a really funny noise when I sneeze.

57. I dont know how to flirt.

56. In 9th grade, I lived in flip flops. Now they just piss me off.

55. I hate tying shoes.

54. I have manic depression, anxiety, social anxiety disorder, insomnia, post traumatic stress disorder, and a ton more.

53. It creeps me out when people draw on their eyebrows.

52. When people talk to me, I think about what I would change about them to make them prettier.

51. I wanted to be a Crime Scene Investigator for the longest time, now I'd like to be a photographer or a fashion designer.

50. I have REALLY long legs.

49. I have big boobs. NO ITS NOT NICE.

48. I can put lipstick on using my cleavage, yes just like in the breakfast club.

47. I fill up my 200+ inbox everyday with texts.

46. If you piss me off, I wont be nice.

45. I hate being embarrassed. It like scares me.

44. I'm 5'9"

43. I have blue/gray eyes.

42. I've never been in love.. with a real person at least.

41. I've been heartbroken about 9374937 times.

40. I've been used by almost every guy I've ever met.

39. People used to think I was anorexic because I was 5'8" and only 102 pounds.

38. I get really bad anxiety attacks over little things.

37. I've had rap battles in my kitchen at 4 am. (hahaha hayley ily)

36. You'll probably not remember me after we meet. If anything, I'll be known as "carissa's friend"

35. I'm English, Irish, Scotish and German. Yeah, I'm white as hell.

34. My great-grandma was in love with bubbles and would go out and blow them everyday, up until her death at age 95.

32. I'm very shy when you first meet me.

31. I hate when people gag. It makes me want to throw up.

30. I swallowed a penny and a marble when i was really little.

29. I used to have night terrors, and I still have them some times.

28. I used to have an imaginary boyfriend named Jason, who was named after the red power ranger.

27. I do not have a religion. I DO NOT believe in god.

26. I can count to 14 in Spanish. :D

25. I set the fire alarm off one time when i was boiling noodles.

24. I love to play Truth or Dare, but I can never think of any good Dare's.

23. I think it's cute when boys do nerdy things.

22. I only eat green apples with no peels.

21. I used to think Bill was short for Billiam, because Will was short for William.

20. I used to be homeschooled.

19. I can eat WAY more than you would think I can.

18. I'm terrified of marionettes.

17. It bugs me when people call a Monroe piercing a Madonna.

16. I've been to England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Canada, and of course the U.S.

15. I make really weird noises when im bored. My mom says they sound like dying animals.

14. I crave foods I don't even eat.

13. When I was on the ferry with Michelle, we flipped over the seats like Charlies Angles.

12. I'm really bad at math.

11. My hair is naturally Brown, Red and Dirty Blond.

10. When I'm really sad, I listen to 90's music. Like N'sync and Backstreet Boys. It makes me happy.

9. I really want to live in the mall.

7. My hair is naturally really poofy.

6. I have a really long tongue.

5. I told my mom that I'm going to be a hooker, and she believed me.

4. You'll probably love my mom. She's lets me do just about anything.

3. I dont have a curfew. I can just walk out the front door at 4 am if I want.

2. I love walking on the train tracks in front of my house.

1. I feel really guilty if I hurt peoples feelings.

I've Come to the Conclusion

I have come to the conclusion that I am in love with illusions. I'm in love with ideas. Not once have I been in love with an actual person, I've been in love with the thought of that person. For instance, Paddy. I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with the idea that he could create this perfect world for me. That if I was with him I would no longer feel sadness, grief, or depression. I would feel happiness. I would be "me" again. Also, KC. I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with everything he's promised me in the last month. And then the obvious one, Tieler. I just... I don't even know where to begin with this one. Obviously I can't love someone that never existed... fuck that was difficult to type. But I know deep down that it's true... I just don't want to accept it yet. I'm in love with everything that everyone I have cared about has told me for the last two years. I'm in love with illusions. That's the best way I can put it.

You Don't Exist... you don't exist...

WHY CAN'T I GET IT THROUGH MY FUCKING HEAD THAT YOU ARE NOT REAL? ): you're the one that haunts my dreams with sweet memories. memories that will always exist, even if you don't. i can't go one day with out thinking about you, and it's tearing me and my boyfriend apart. i wish i could see you face to face just once.. just once. then i could get some closure. then i would know that jace mcclain didn't fuck me over by making you up, but that tieler sharp really does exist, and that he just doesn't want me anymore. that, i could accept.

Best Friends, Aye?

We used to be forever. We used to say forever. How many years have we been "best friends"? And then you go and say shit like this? FUCK YOU. This little break I've had from you has been lovingly welcomed. I don't need bitches like you to ruin my good time in life. And then both of our friends try and convince me that you were being sarcastic. HAHAHHAHA. I've known you for HOW LONG? I know when you're being fucking sarcastic. Saying that you want to "burn down my house with me and my brother inside" is not being sarcastic. And you say I'M the bitch? You have some priorities to straighten out girly. GET OVER YOURSELF.

I Am No One

I am broken. I am no one. I am a fragment of your imagination. Am I real? Who's to say I am? I don't feel real. I really don't. I have this numb feeling inside of me at all times, I can't shake it, I can't break it. I am me. I am no one. Nothing. It doesn't make sense, does it? When you're sitting there, feeling really stoned, and you're on nothing at all. The feeling of emptiness is a harsh feeling. It does funny things to your body, to your mind. I can't really explain it. It just feels like.. nothing. I don't understand it. I don't understand what caused it. When did I become so empty? So.. broken? I know why now though, it just hit me. When my innocence was taken. Stolen. Ripped away from me. It took more than my innocence. It took my soul. My feeling. Everything is blank. I don't want to feel this emptiness anymore. I want to feel happy emotions again, without the help of medications. I want to be me again.

I'd Like To Be

Under the sea, in an octopuses garden, in the shade :D
hahahah,

okay now to my real point (:

I'd really like to get back into modeling. Like REALLY, REALLY would like to get back into it. But I'm not sure how. I can't go back to my old agency because they'll just ask for more money and to be honest, i hate Paula and Aaron. SOOOO MUCH. Ugh they just piss me off. Aaron thinks he's super fucking awesome because he has a fraud modeling agency, and Paula lies about everything. Okay ANYWAYSSSS... I need to find a new agency, one that won't ask for money, one that will be totally legit and will find me work, the work that I've always wanted to do. There is one agency I'm looking into, that really looks good, but their go-see's are from like 3-4 pm on weekday's only. So I'm kinda fucked, right? Because I don't drive and my parents aren't going to take off work to take me to an audition. Bleh. I don't know, I'll figure out something. In the mean time I'll practice my walk (hahah) and get someone, no idea who, probably Rebekah, to shoot some test shots of me so I have them to take to the agency when I'm ready to go in. Yay! A plan :D

BLEEEH

I can't figure out what my mood is today,
one second I'm really happy then the next I'm super pissed off.
Then another minute I'm depressed, then happy again!

WHAT THE FUCK.

This is what I get for being bipolar and off meds >:|

a little bit of info for you, just so you can get to know me better

<>>THEE BASICS<<>

001. What is your name? alexa marie miller, call me lexa, lex, or lexi. whatever works (:

002. Spell your name backwards. axela

003. Date of birth: september 5th 1991

004. Name of someone with the same birthday as you: freddy mercury

005. Male or Female? girrrrlll

006. Astrological sign: virgo

007. Nicknames: already told you

008. Occupation: used to be a sales associate at osh kosh b'gosh, now..i just.. sit here.

009. Height: 5'9"

010. Weight: about 130

011. Hair color: natural is brown with red and blond highlights, right now it's really really dark brown

012. Eye color: blueee

013. City where you were born: tacoma

014. Where do you reside now? woodinville/bothell

015. Favorite city you've lived in? bremerton

016. Screen names: lexstasy junkie (:

017. E-mail: no.

018. What does your screen name stand for? it's a nickname my ex best friend gave me a loooooooooooooooooong time ago

019. What is your LJ name?: i don't have one

020. What does your LJ name stand for?: read above

021. Pets: henry my beta fish!

022. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake?: 17 :D

023. Piercings?: nose and ears

024. Tattoo's?: UGHH not yet ):

025. Shoe size: really depends, 8

026. Righty or lefty? rightyyyy

027. Wearing: sleep pants, a tank top, my sweatshirt and kc's sweatshirt

028. Hearing: music

029. Feeling: sick and in a lot of pain

030. Who do you live with? my mom and older brother

031. What is the first thing you do in the morning?: fall back asleep! hahaah or check my phone

032. What is your most missed memory? my best friend.

033. What is your best physical feature? people say my eyes and legs. most guys say my boobs. kc says my butt (: heheehe

<>>GIRLS/GUYS/LOVE/KISSING/SEX/ETC.<<>

034. Do you usually make the first move? only with my boyfriend, he's the only guy i'm confident around

035. Do you prefer to make the first move? nooo

036. Have you ever told someone I love you? and meant it? yes (:

037. How many people have you told? a few

038. Favorite body part of the opposite sex: stomachhh and eyes

039. How many people have you kissed? too many ):

040. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? yeeep

041. Ever Made out With Just a Friend? yeah

042. Ever Had Sex With Just a Friend? nope

043. Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex? yes :/

044. Would you ever consider sleeping with a celebrity? yes haha

045. Should sex be all physical or all emotion? how about 50/50

047. How many people have you dated? a lot. but actual boyfriends? 4. but technically three because a boy you met over the internet that someone made up doesn't count :|

048. Place you want to go on a first date?: for food or a movie or something (: or just chill at home and watch movies and order a pizza or something (:

049. Double dates or single? single dates, but double are fun sometimes (:

050. Notice about the opposite sex?: personality mostly, and the ability to make me laugh and smile

051. What type of guy/girl do you usually go for? any kind, as long as i like your personality

052. Do you believe in love at first sight? very much so

053. Do you remember your first love? i'm still involved with him so yes<3

054. Would you date someone who lived in another state? hah. heh. uhh.

055. Do you like cuddling? yees (:

056. Do you believe your ex thinks about you? we're friends, so yeah

057. How long was your longest relationship? a month..

058. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 17

059. Your opinion on oral sex?: eh

060. Is it better to give or receive?: not answering this

061. How many people have you had sex with? one

062. How many people were older then you? my boyfriend's older than me by like three months

063. Ever done anything sexual at school or work? nopppe

064. What's better, someone you care about or a one night stand? are you kidding me? SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT!


<>>FAMILY STUFF<<>

065. What are your siblings names? my brother's name is nick, er nicholas haha

066. What are your parents names? jennifer and robert

067. How many siblings does your mother have? 7

068. How many siblings does your father have? a few.

069. Where are your parents from? washington and new jersey

070. Are your parents divorced? THANK GOD YES. and i don't mean that in a mean way haha

071. Did some of your family come to America from another country? obviously, how else did we get to america?

<>>FAVOURITES<<>

091. Color: turquoise and lavender

092. Foods: french fries, mashed potatoes and pizza. oh and cracker lunchables ^_^

093. Show: degrassssiiii, too bad it's not on anymore ):

094. Band/singer: nightmare of youuuu

095. Animal: panda

096. Movie: titanicccc! hellll yeah!

097. Cartoon: rugrats

098. Potato chip: hmm.. so many to choose from! i can't pick just one! :/

099. Drink: root beer!

100. Alcoholic drink: iccck

101. Holiday: christmas

102. Pizza topping: pepperoni

103. Board game: clue

104. Video game: animal crossing

105. Book: a million little pieces, my friend leonard, and the lovely bones

106. Cereal: cinnamin life

107. Dessert: chocolate cake from costco :D

108. Disney character: sleeping beauty (: it has two meanings to me (:

109. Clothing store: value village xD

110. Pasttime: photography

111. Teacher: falkner! and lynn!

112. Magazine: nylon

113. Thing to do on the weekend: chill with kc or carissa

114. Sport to watch: gymnastics

<>>Bedroom/Sleeping Habits<<>

115. Do you have posters on your wall?: their on the ceiling >_<

116. How many?: like 6

117. Do you have a tv in your bedroom? a tinny one, it's like 13" i think

118. How many pillows are on your bed?: like three.

119. What do you normally sleep in?: shorts and a tee

120. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: my black boy sweatpants ^_^

121. What size bed do you have?: twin ):

122. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed?: nope

123. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom?: nooo

124. Do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep?: noope

125. Describe the last nightmare you had: eeeehhh

126. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: nope

127. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? two if you cuddle hahaha

128. Do you sleep in any unusual positions?: nope, just curled up on my side

129. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling?: thankfully, no, that would be awkward considering he's a GUY and 20

130. Do you snore?: nope

131. How about drool?: only when my lips are like THIS ugggh >:|

132. Do you have an alarm clock in your room?: yees

133. What color is the carpet in your room?: tan

134. What's under your bed?: a bunch of shit


<>>This or that?<<>

135. Cologne/Perfume: cologne, it smells better

136. Coke/Pepsi: coke, but ultimately i'd had root beer

137. Doughnuts/bagels: donuts

138. Day/night: night

139. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?: neither

140. Heaven/hell: heaven

141. Make love/have sex: make love just sounds weird

142. Coffee/tea: ew

143. Hamburgers/hotdogs: hotdogs.

144. Rap/rock: indie :D

145. Britney/Christina: neither, they're both over rated sell outs

146. Swiss cheese/american cheese: velveta :D

147. Real World/Road Rules: none

148. Backstreet Boys/N*Sync: backstreet Boys.

149. Silver/gold: silver

150. Addias/Nike: ick

151. McDonalds/Taco Bell: mcdonalds!!!

152. Sweet/Sour: sour

153. Punk/Emo: punk, it's less whiney haha

154. Hot/Cold: hot

155. Winter/Summer: fall?

156. Spring/Fall: fall!

157. Operas/Plays: plays

158. Read/Watch tv: read, depending on what i'm reading

159. Cd's/Tapes: ipod!

160. Dvd's/vhs: dvd

161. Old/new: vintageee

162. Shorts/skirts: shorts

163. Colored pictures/black and white photos: depends on the picture, but most of the time colored.

164. Meat/vegetables: meat

165. Chinese/mexican: mexican

166. Commercials/infomercials: commercials

167. Scary movies/comedies: scary! i get too scared though hahahah >_<

168. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: one piece >_< i hate myself in a bikini ):

169. Sandals/tennis shoes: sandals

170. Dogs/Cats: cats

171. Unicorns/fairies: fairies

171. Water/land: land

172. Sugar/spice: sugar

173. Black/white: black

174. Ribbons/bows: ribbons

175. Chicken/beef: beef

176. Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: colors

177. Cars/trucks: tow trucks! hahah my dad used to work for a tow truck company so i rode in the alllll the time (:

178. Austin Powers/James Bond: UHH no contest, james bond

179. Popcorn/pretzels: popcorn

180. Hip/hop: uhm..

181. Passionate kiss/peck: passionate

182. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? red soxxx!

183. Back rub/foot massage: back, feet are gross

184. Picture frames/photo albums: frames

185. Pens/pencils: pens


<>>What Is Your Opinion Of The Following<<>

185. Eminem: eh, sometimes good sometimes bad

186. Virgins: hahah good for you?

187. God: who?

188. The Osbournes: aren't dead yet?

189. Reality TV: yeah right

190. J.Lo: big booty

191. Religion: whatever floats your boat, but don't talk to me about it

192. Emo music: depends

193. Valentine's Day: is stupid unless you have someone

194. Christina Aguilera: is copying lady gaga

195. Homosexuals: are really nice

196. Abortion: don't get me started

197. Inter-racial relationships: yayay! (:

198. Murder: people have their passions, sometimes it's murder :/

199. Death: heh :/

200. Obesity: is not that big of a problem! hahhah i said big.

201. Pre-marital sex: go for it!

202. Terrorism: stupid

203. Pornography: whatever floats your boat

204. Fortune tellers: are lame

205. Threesomes: hahaha

206. Prostitution: std's anyone?

207. Politics: let's debate :D no seriously.

208. Country music: ewwww

209. George W. Bush: fuck no.

210. Cloning: will happen, one day.

211. Britney's boobs: need to retire

212. Gas prices in Amercia: are getting A LOT better. i saw it for $1.93 today

213. Going to college: eh

314. Toothbrush: use it, and use it well!


<>>Have You Ever...?<<>

315. Been called one? one of what..?

316. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? nope

317. been diagnosed with something horrible? stevens-johnsons syndrome. it's pretty much a flesh eating disease o_O

318. Slipped on wet floor? yeaaah

319. Been trapped in an elevator? nahh

320. Accidently caught something on fire in your home? nope

321. Gone over the speed limit? hahah sam's car two years ago, hayley thought she was gonna die.

322. Danced in front of your mirror? allll the time hahah

323. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? story of my life

324. Made out with a stranger? almost did (: but he's my boyfriend now so it would have been okay haah (:

325. Left your house with out telling your parents? mhmmm

326. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? yeah

327. Kissed a picture? ): that reminds me of sad times ):

328. Slept in until 3? yeeeep

329. Love someone you miss right now? my babyyyy boyfrinedd ):

331. Felt an earthquake? yeeep

332. Been suspended from school? noppe

333. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? hahaha yes

334. Forgotten someone's name? D: yeaah

335. Have a major crush on someone right now? it's more than that, it's love (:

336. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? they'd laugh

337. Sworn at a teacher? yeah but he didn't hear me hahha

338. Got in a fight? not physical

339. Dated a teacher? nooo

340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants? i'm not hayley hahahahahaha

341. Thought about killing your enemy? actually yes o_O

342. Gone skinny dipping? nope ):

344. Told a little white lie? who hasn't?

345. Told a secret you swore not to tell? never!

346. Used a foreign object to masturbate? hahah god no

347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid: most likely

348. Been on tv? the news

349. Been on the radio? disney radio! hahahah when i was like 9

351. Been to a concert? too many times to count

352. Dated one of your best friends? almost but no

353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry? yeeep, whenever i have to leave him or he has to leave me, i cry :|

355. Broken the law? used to alllll the time

356. Been to a rodeo? nooo! i can't, rodeo clowns :/

357. Been on a talk show? i wisssh

358. Been on a game show? again, i wissshh

359. Been on an airplane? too many times to count

360. Got to ride on a firetruck? yeah

361. Came close to dying? heh :|

362. Cheated on a bf/gf? noo way!

363. Gave someone a piggy back ride? when i was younger, but i have a "bad back" now :/

364. Terrorized a babysitter? haha nooo ): i loved all my babysitters!

365. Made a mud pie? of course

366. Had a dream that you were falling off a cliff? yeaah

367. Snuck out of the house at night? used to do it all the time.

368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name? hahah only ONCE

369. Had an eating disorder? sorta

370. Felt like you didn't belong? all the time

371. Felt like the 3rd wheel? always!

372. Smoked? wayyyy too many times

373. Done drugs? yeah, but i'm done with that

374. Stolen money from a poor person begging on the street? never

375. Had your tonsils removed? nope

376. Gone to camp? camp niwana with campfire! :D i miss those days ):

377. Won a bet? nope

378. Written a love letter? yeah, never sent it though and i'm glad i didn't

379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love? yes

380. Written a love poem? sooo many. i wrote like 400 poems my freshman year

381. Kissed in the rain? finally, i can say YES :D

382. Slow danced with someone you love? yeah (: to the ending of enchanted hahaha (:

383. Participated in cyber sex? hahahahahah no!

384. Faked an orgasm? hahah nope

385. Stolen a kiss? what does that even mean?

386. Asked a friend for relationship advice? always!

387. Had a friend steal your bf/gf? nooo

388. Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love? not yet

389. Gotten a speeding ticket? nope

390. Done jail time? haha no

391. Had to wear a uniform to work? nope, just my lanyard

392. Won a trophy? yeah

393. Thrown up in public? i think so

394. Bowled a perfect game? who honestly can say they have?

395. Failed/got held back? failed, but never gotten held back

396. Got perfect attendance in school? HAHAHA

397. Roasted pumpkin seeds? haha yeah but i never eat them

398. Taken ballet lessons? for 7 years when i was little

399. Attempted suicide? :/ a few times, but my overdose was the most serious

400. Cut yourself? too many times to count

401. Ever written in a library book?: haha yeah

402. Eaten an entire box of Oreos? ew no

403. Jumped on a trampoline? who hasn't?

404. Colored in a coloring book (and had fun)? when i was little

405. Had a bubble bath? yeahhh

406. Played with Barbies? yeeep

407. Stay up all night? all the time

408. Stayed awake for 48 hours straight? 52 is my record

409. Been afraid of the dark? uhm still am :/

410. Been in the hospital (not visiting)? three times, two psych wards and one medical

411. Had stitches? seven of them ):

412. Dumped someone and regretted it? said no to someone and regretted it for a year ): but it's all good now (: i'm happy with my boyy

413. Fallen asleep in class? haha all the time in first period

414. Met a celebrity? yeah

415. Are you a virgin? nooope

416. Broken a bone? yeah

417. Ever had a crush on a teacher? hahah

418. Ever seriously vandalized someone else' s property?: nooo

29. Have you ever been punched in the face? with a basketball yes :| it was from like five feet away too



<>>Randomness<>>

420. What do you wash first in the shower?: my hair

421. Are you allergic to anything?: lamictal >:|

423. Are you comfortable with your height?: i want to be one inch taller

424. What' s something that really annoys you?: when my brother types

425. Do you believe in aliens? yes

426. Name 5 things that are next to your computer: plates, popcorn, gummy bears, a puppet and my mom's ipod

427. Do you have any hidden talents? i'm double jointed

428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos? yes

429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? something scary

430. What would your movie star name be? moxie crimefighter! hahaha inside jokeee but it's a real name (:

431. Do you play any sports? nooo

432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? i dont even knowwww

433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently? changeling

434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen? i didn't even watch the whole thing, but babylon a.d.

435. Do you drive? i can but i don't even have my permit yet

436. What is your dream car? '58 pink cadilac

437. Do you think you're good looking? sometimes, somewhat

438. Do others think you are good looking? apparently

439. Would you ever sky dive? nooo

440. Do you believe in Bigfoot? sometimes

441. How many rooms do you have in your house? 3

442. Are you afraid of roller coasters? i still go on them (:

443. Do you believe in God? NO.

444. Do you believe in Satan? no.

445. Do you believe there is a heaven? maybe

446. Do you believe there is a hell? a bit

447. Do you own a pooltable? i wish!

448. Do you have a pool? my apartments do

449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen? duh

450. Do you like chocolate? only with caramel in it (:

451. Who/what is on your 2005 calender? breakfast clubbb

452. How many U.S. states have you been to? a lot

453. Ever wished on a shooting star? manyyyy times

454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore? devil, but er!k broke my staff thingy hahah that was a good party.. till amanda and erik ruined it >:|

455. Do you carry any weapons on you? noo

456. What is your weakness? boys

457. Name something you can't get enough of: purses and bags!

458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: depressed, loner, and funny? idno

459. How many kids do you want to have? three

460. Future daughters names: HOPEFULLY sophie marie and kennedy renee

461. Future sons names: kristopher allan (:

462. What is your ideal way to die? sleeping

463. How do you release stress? cry

464. Are you a trendy person? i wear what i want, if it's trendy then cool, if not, i really don't give a shit

465. Are you an artistic person? photography wise, yes

466. Are you a realistic person? no

467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off? i dont have shoes that tie haha

468. Are you a strong person? emotionally yes

469. Are you a strong willed person? yes

470. Who is the last person to e-mail you? my mom

472. Do you hate chain e-mails? yes, unless they have funny pictures in them hahah ^_^

473. Are you a deep sleeper? oh yes haha

474. Are you a good story teller? no, i go off topic too much

475. What do you believe is your best quality? i have no idea. you tell me

476. What is your greatest accomplishment? walking up to kc on the ferry (:

477.Do you like to burn candles or incense? yes but i never do

478. Do you do yoga? used to

479. Do you have your own credit card? debit card, but there's no money in my bank account

480. Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do? pay my mom's bills for a year, then go shoppinggg

481. Do you have a check book? yees

482. Do you like your driver's license picture? i have a state id card :| and no i hate my picture, i look like a horse

483. Do you tan easily? no no no no

484. What color is your hair naturally? brown with red and blond highlights

485. How many fillings do you have? i think 6 or 7

486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit? 6 or 7

487. Worst feeling in the world? being in the hospital (childrens) and i having none of your friends visit you. that made me feel so damn special guys, thanks :D

488. Best feeling in the world? being loved, cherished, swept off your feet.

489. Is the glass half empty or half full? today it's half full. ask again tomrrow.

490. Last thing you downloaded? music

491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life? haha no.

492. What do you think people think of you? like i would know that, but i make awkward first impressions

493. Are you a likeable person? i'd like to think i am :/

496. What the best way to be proposed to? at dinner in public, and have the guy stand up and be like "EVERYONE, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT" and then get on one knee and propose with the prettiest, NOT most expensive, but prettiest ring ever (:

497. Can you sleep without blankets covering you? NO WAY i have no idea why but i just can't

498. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? i guess? idno.

499. Do you put the peanut butter or the jelly on first?: ew

500. When was the last time you let the people you love/people who are important to you know you love them/that they are important to you? today