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11.29.2008

I Am No One

broken Pictures, Images and Photos

I am broken. I am no one. I am a fragment of your imagination. Am I real? Who's to say I am? I don't feel real. I really don't. I have this numb feeling inside of me at all times, I can't shake it, I can't break it. I am me. I am no one. Nothing. It doesn't make sense, does it? When you're sitting there, feeling really stoned, and you're on nothing at all. The feeling of emptiness is a harsh feeling. It does funny things to your body, to your mind. I can't really explain it. It just feels like.. nothing. I don't understand it. I don't understand what caused it. When did I become so empty? So.. broken? I know why now though, it just hit me. When my innocence was taken. Stolen. Ripped away from me. It took more than my innocence. It took my soul. My feeling. Everything is blank. I don't want to feel this emptiness anymore. I want to feel happy emotions again, without the help of medications. I want to be me again.

I'd Like To Be

Photobucket

Under the sea, in an octopuses garden, in the shade :D
hahahah,

okay now to my real point (:

I'd really like to get back into modeling. Like REALLY, REALLY would like to get back into it. But I'm not sure how. I can't go back to my old agency because they'll just ask for more money and to be honest, i hate Paula and Aaron. SOOOO MUCH. Ugh they just piss me off. Aaron thinks he's super fucking awesome because he has a fraud modeling agency, and Paula lies about everything. Okay ANYWAYSSSS... I need to find a new agency, one that won't ask for money, one that will be totally legit and will find me work, the work that I've always wanted to do. There is one agency I'm looking into, that really looks good, but their go-see's are from like 3-4 pm on weekday's only. So I'm kinda fucked, right? Because I don't drive and my parents aren't going to take off work to take me to an audition. Bleh. I don't know, I'll figure out something. In the mean time I'll practice my walk (hahah) and get someone, no idea who, probably Rebekah, to shoot some test shots of me so I have them to take to the agency when I'm ready to go in. Yay! A plan :D

11.27.2008

BLEEEH

photography Pictures, Images and Photos

I can't figure out what my mood is today,
one second I'm really happy then the next I'm super pissed off.
Then another minute I'm depressed, then happy again!

WHAT THE FUCK.

This is what I get for being bipolar and off meds >:|

11.24.2008

a little bit of info for you, just so you can get to know me better

<>>THEE BASICS<<>

001. What is your name? alexa marie miller, call me lexa, lex, or lexi. whatever works (:

002. Spell your name backwards. axela

003. Date of birth: september 5th 1991

004. Name of someone with the same birthday as you: freddy mercury

005. Male or Female? girrrrlll

006. Astrological sign: virgo

007. Nicknames: already told you

008. Occupation: used to be a sales associate at osh kosh b'gosh, now..i just.. sit here.

009. Height: 5'9"

010. Weight: about 130

011. Hair color: natural is brown with red and blond highlights, right now it's really really dark brown

012. Eye color: blueee

013. City where you were born: tacoma

014. Where do you reside now? woodinville/bothell

015. Favorite city you've lived in? bremerton

016. Screen names: lexstasy junkie (:

017. E-mail: no.

018. What does your screen name stand for? it's a nickname my ex best friend gave me a loooooooooooooooooong time ago

019. What is your LJ name?: i don't have one

020. What does your LJ name stand for?: read above

021. Pets: henry my beta fish!

022. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake?: 17 :D

023. Piercings?: nose and ears

024. Tattoo's?: UGHH not yet ):

025. Shoe size: really depends, 8

026. Righty or lefty? rightyyyy

027. Wearing: sleep pants, a tank top, my sweatshirt and kc's sweatshirt

028. Hearing: music

029. Feeling: sick and in a lot of pain

030. Who do you live with? my mom and older brother

031. What is the first thing you do in the morning?: fall back asleep! hahaah or check my phone

032. What is your most missed memory? my best friend.

033. What is your best physical feature? people say my eyes and legs. most guys say my boobs. kc says my butt (: heheehe

<>>GIRLS/GUYS/LOVE/KISSING/SEX/ETC.<<>

034. Do you usually make the first move? only with my boyfriend, he's the only guy i'm confident around

035. Do you prefer to make the first move? nooo

036. Have you ever told someone I love you? and meant it? yes (:

037. How many people have you told? a few

038. Favorite body part of the opposite sex: stomachhh and eyes

039. How many people have you kissed? too many ):

040. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? yeeep

041. Ever Made out With Just a Friend? yeah

042. Ever Had Sex With Just a Friend? nope

043. Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex? yes :/

044. Would you ever consider sleeping with a celebrity? yes haha

045. Should sex be all physical or all emotion? how about 50/50

047. How many people have you dated? a lot. but actual boyfriends? 4. but technically three because a boy you met over the internet that someone made up doesn't count :|

048. Place you want to go on a first date?: for food or a movie or something (: or just chill at home and watch movies and order a pizza or something (:

049. Double dates or single? single dates, but double are fun sometimes (:

050. Notice about the opposite sex?: personality mostly, and the ability to make me laugh and smile

051. What type of guy/girl do you usually go for? any kind, as long as i like your personality

052. Do you believe in love at first sight? very much so

053. Do you remember your first love? i'm still involved with him so yes<3

054. Would you date someone who lived in another state? hah. heh. uhh.

055. Do you like cuddling? yees (:

056. Do you believe your ex thinks about you? we're friends, so yeah

057. How long was your longest relationship? a month..

058. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 17

059. Your opinion on oral sex?: eh

060. Is it better to give or receive?: not answering this

061. How many people have you had sex with? one

062. How many people were older then you? my boyfriend's older than me by like three months

063. Ever done anything sexual at school or work? nopppe

064. What's better, someone you care about or a one night stand? are you kidding me? SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT!


<>>FAMILY STUFF<<>

065. What are your siblings names? my brother's name is nick, er nicholas haha

066. What are your parents names? jennifer and robert

067. How many siblings does your mother have? 7

068. How many siblings does your father have? a few.

069. Where are your parents from? washington and new jersey

070. Are your parents divorced? THANK GOD YES. and i don't mean that in a mean way haha

071. Did some of your family come to America from another country? obviously, how else did we get to america?

<>>FAVOURITES<<>

091. Color: turquoise and lavender

092. Foods: french fries, mashed potatoes and pizza. oh and cracker lunchables ^_^

093. Show: degrassssiiii, too bad it's not on anymore ):

094. Band/singer: nightmare of youuuu

095. Animal: panda

096. Movie: titanicccc! hellll yeah!

097. Cartoon: rugrats

098. Potato chip: hmm.. so many to choose from! i can't pick just one! :/

099. Drink: root beer!

100. Alcoholic drink: iccck

101. Holiday: christmas

102. Pizza topping: pepperoni

103. Board game: clue

104. Video game: animal crossing

105. Book: a million little pieces, my friend leonard, and the lovely bones

106. Cereal: cinnamin life

107. Dessert: chocolate cake from costco :D

108. Disney character: sleeping beauty (: it has two meanings to me (:

109. Clothing store: value village xD

110. Pasttime: photography

111. Teacher: falkner! and lynn!

112. Magazine: nylon

113. Thing to do on the weekend: chill with kc or carissa

114. Sport to watch: gymnastics

<>>Bedroom/Sleeping Habits<<>

115. Do you have posters on your wall?: their on the ceiling >_<

116. How many?: like 6

117. Do you have a tv in your bedroom? a tinny one, it's like 13" i think

118. How many pillows are on your bed?: like three.

119. What do you normally sleep in?: shorts and a tee

120. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: my black boy sweatpants ^_^

121. What size bed do you have?: twin ):

122. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed?: nope

123. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom?: nooo

124. Do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep?: noope

125. Describe the last nightmare you had: eeeehhh

126. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: nope

127. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? two if you cuddle hahaha

128. Do you sleep in any unusual positions?: nope, just curled up on my side

129. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling?: thankfully, no, that would be awkward considering he's a GUY and 20

130. Do you snore?: nope

131. How about drool?: only when my lips are like THIS ugggh >:|

132. Do you have an alarm clock in your room?: yees

133. What color is the carpet in your room?: tan

134. What's under your bed?: a bunch of shit


<>>This or that?<<>

135. Cologne/Perfume: cologne, it smells better

136. Coke/Pepsi: coke, but ultimately i'd had root beer

137. Doughnuts/bagels: donuts

138. Day/night: night

139. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?: neither

140. Heaven/hell: heaven

141. Make love/have sex: make love just sounds weird

142. Coffee/tea: ew

143. Hamburgers/hotdogs: hotdogs.

144. Rap/rock: indie :D

145. Britney/Christina: neither, they're both over rated sell outs

146. Swiss cheese/american cheese: velveta :D

147. Real World/Road Rules: none

148. Backstreet Boys/N*Sync: backstreet Boys.

149. Silver/gold: silver

150. Addias/Nike: ick

151. McDonalds/Taco Bell: mcdonalds!!!

152. Sweet/Sour: sour

153. Punk/Emo: punk, it's less whiney haha

154. Hot/Cold: hot

155. Winter/Summer: fall?

156. Spring/Fall: fall!

157. Operas/Plays: plays

158. Read/Watch tv: read, depending on what i'm reading

159. Cd's/Tapes: ipod!

160. Dvd's/vhs: dvd

161. Old/new: vintageee

162. Shorts/skirts: shorts

163. Colored pictures/black and white photos: depends on the picture, but most of the time colored.

164. Meat/vegetables: meat

165. Chinese/mexican: mexican

166. Commercials/infomercials: commercials

167. Scary movies/comedies: scary! i get too scared though hahahah >_<

168. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: one piece >_< i hate myself in a bikini ):

169. Sandals/tennis shoes: sandals

170. Dogs/Cats: cats

171. Unicorns/fairies: fairies

171. Water/land: land

172. Sugar/spice: sugar

173. Black/white: black

174. Ribbons/bows: ribbons

175. Chicken/beef: beef

176. Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: colors

177. Cars/trucks: tow trucks! hahah my dad used to work for a tow truck company so i rode in the alllll the time (:

178. Austin Powers/James Bond: UHH no contest, james bond

179. Popcorn/pretzels: popcorn

180. Hip/hop: uhm..

181. Passionate kiss/peck: passionate

182. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? red soxxx!

183. Back rub/foot massage: back, feet are gross

184. Picture frames/photo albums: frames

185. Pens/pencils: pens


<>>What Is Your Opinion Of The Following<<>

185. Eminem: eh, sometimes good sometimes bad

186. Virgins: hahah good for you?

187. God: who?

188. The Osbournes: aren't dead yet?

189. Reality TV: yeah right

190. J.Lo: big booty

191. Religion: whatever floats your boat, but don't talk to me about it

192. Emo music: depends

193. Valentine's Day: is stupid unless you have someone

194. Christina Aguilera: is copying lady gaga

195. Homosexuals: are really nice

196. Abortion: don't get me started

197. Inter-racial relationships: yayay! (:

198. Murder: people have their passions, sometimes it's murder :/

199. Death: heh :/

200. Obesity: is not that big of a problem! hahhah i said big.

201. Pre-marital sex: go for it!

202. Terrorism: stupid

203. Pornography: whatever floats your boat

204. Fortune tellers: are lame

205. Threesomes: hahaha

206. Prostitution: std's anyone?

207. Politics: let's debate :D no seriously.

208. Country music: ewwww

209. George W. Bush: fuck no.

210. Cloning: will happen, one day.

211. Britney's boobs: need to retire

212. Gas prices in Amercia: are getting A LOT better. i saw it for $1.93 today

213. Going to college: eh

314. Toothbrush: use it, and use it well!


<>>Have You Ever...?<<>

315. Been called one? one of what..?

316. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? nope

317. been diagnosed with something horrible? stevens-johnsons syndrome. it's pretty much a flesh eating disease o_O

318. Slipped on wet floor? yeaaah

319. Been trapped in an elevator? nahh

320. Accidently caught something on fire in your home? nope

321. Gone over the speed limit? hahah sam's car two years ago, hayley thought she was gonna die.

322. Danced in front of your mirror? allll the time hahah

323. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? story of my life

324. Made out with a stranger? almost did (: but he's my boyfriend now so it would have been okay haah (:

325. Left your house with out telling your parents? mhmmm

326. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? yeah

327. Kissed a picture? ): that reminds me of sad times ):

328. Slept in until 3? yeeeep

329. Love someone you miss right now? my babyyyy boyfrinedd ):

331. Felt an earthquake? yeeep

332. Been suspended from school? noppe

333. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? hahaha yes

334. Forgotten someone's name? D: yeaah

335. Have a major crush on someone right now? it's more than that, it's love (:

336. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? they'd laugh

337. Sworn at a teacher? yeah but he didn't hear me hahha

338. Got in a fight? not physical

339. Dated a teacher? nooo

340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants? i'm not hayley hahahahahaha

341. Thought about killing your enemy? actually yes o_O

342. Gone skinny dipping? nope ):

344. Told a little white lie? who hasn't?

345. Told a secret you swore not to tell? never!

346. Used a foreign object to masturbate? hahah god no

347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid: most likely

348. Been on tv? the news

349. Been on the radio? disney radio! hahahah when i was like 9

351. Been to a concert? too many times to count

352. Dated one of your best friends? almost but no

353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry? yeeep, whenever i have to leave him or he has to leave me, i cry :|

355. Broken the law? used to alllll the time

356. Been to a rodeo? nooo! i can't, rodeo clowns :/

357. Been on a talk show? i wisssh

358. Been on a game show? again, i wissshh

359. Been on an airplane? too many times to count

360. Got to ride on a firetruck? yeah

361. Came close to dying? heh :|

362. Cheated on a bf/gf? noo way!

363. Gave someone a piggy back ride? when i was younger, but i have a "bad back" now :/

364. Terrorized a babysitter? haha nooo ): i loved all my babysitters!

365. Made a mud pie? of course

366. Had a dream that you were falling off a cliff? yeaah

367. Snuck out of the house at night? used to do it all the time.

368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name? hahah only ONCE

369. Had an eating disorder? sorta

370. Felt like you didn't belong? all the time

371. Felt like the 3rd wheel? always!

372. Smoked? wayyyy too many times

373. Done drugs? yeah, but i'm done with that

374. Stolen money from a poor person begging on the street? never

375. Had your tonsils removed? nope

376. Gone to camp? camp niwana with campfire! :D i miss those days ):

377. Won a bet? nope

378. Written a love letter? yeah, never sent it though and i'm glad i didn't

379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love? yes

380. Written a love poem? sooo many. i wrote like 400 poems my freshman year

381. Kissed in the rain? finally, i can say YES :D

382. Slow danced with someone you love? yeah (: to the ending of enchanted hahaha (:

383. Participated in cyber sex? hahahahahah no!

384. Faked an orgasm? hahah nope

385. Stolen a kiss? what does that even mean?

386. Asked a friend for relationship advice? always!

387. Had a friend steal your bf/gf? nooo

388. Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love? not yet

389. Gotten a speeding ticket? nope

390. Done jail time? haha no

391. Had to wear a uniform to work? nope, just my lanyard

392. Won a trophy? yeah

393. Thrown up in public? i think so

394. Bowled a perfect game? who honestly can say they have?

395. Failed/got held back? failed, but never gotten held back

396. Got perfect attendance in school? HAHAHA

397. Roasted pumpkin seeds? haha yeah but i never eat them

398. Taken ballet lessons? for 7 years when i was little

399. Attempted suicide? :/ a few times, but my overdose was the most serious

400. Cut yourself? too many times to count

401. Ever written in a library book?: haha yeah

402. Eaten an entire box of Oreos? ew no

403. Jumped on a trampoline? who hasn't?

404. Colored in a coloring book (and had fun)? when i was little

405. Had a bubble bath? yeahhh

406. Played with Barbies? yeeep

407. Stay up all night? all the time

408. Stayed awake for 48 hours straight? 52 is my record

409. Been afraid of the dark? uhm still am :/

410. Been in the hospital (not visiting)? three times, two psych wards and one medical

411. Had stitches? seven of them ):

412. Dumped someone and regretted it? said no to someone and regretted it for a year ): but it's all good now (: i'm happy with my boyy

413. Fallen asleep in class? haha all the time in first period

414. Met a celebrity? yeah

415. Are you a virgin? nooope

416. Broken a bone? yeah

417. Ever had a crush on a teacher? hahah

418. Ever seriously vandalized someone else' s property?: nooo

29. Have you ever been punched in the face? with a basketball yes :| it was from like five feet away too



<>>Randomness<>>

420. What do you wash first in the shower?: my hair

421. Are you allergic to anything?: lamictal >:|

423. Are you comfortable with your height?: i want to be one inch taller

424. What' s something that really annoys you?: when my brother types

425. Do you believe in aliens? yes

426. Name 5 things that are next to your computer: plates, popcorn, gummy bears, a puppet and my mom's ipod

427. Do you have any hidden talents? i'm double jointed

428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos? yes

429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? something scary

430. What would your movie star name be? moxie crimefighter! hahaha inside jokeee but it's a real name (:

431. Do you play any sports? nooo

432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? i dont even knowwww

433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently? changeling

434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen? i didn't even watch the whole thing, but babylon a.d.

435. Do you drive? i can but i don't even have my permit yet

436. What is your dream car? '58 pink cadilac

437. Do you think you're good looking? sometimes, somewhat

438. Do others think you are good looking? apparently

439. Would you ever sky dive? nooo

440. Do you believe in Bigfoot? sometimes

441. How many rooms do you have in your house? 3

442. Are you afraid of roller coasters? i still go on them (:

443. Do you believe in God? NO.

444. Do you believe in Satan? no.

445. Do you believe there is a heaven? maybe

446. Do you believe there is a hell? a bit

447. Do you own a pooltable? i wish!

448. Do you have a pool? my apartments do

449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen? duh

450. Do you like chocolate? only with caramel in it (:

451. Who/what is on your 2005 calender? breakfast clubbb

452. How many U.S. states have you been to? a lot

453. Ever wished on a shooting star? manyyyy times

454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore? devil, but er!k broke my staff thingy hahah that was a good party.. till amanda and erik ruined it >:|

455. Do you carry any weapons on you? noo

456. What is your weakness? boys

457. Name something you can't get enough of: purses and bags!

458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: depressed, loner, and funny? idno

459. How many kids do you want to have? three

460. Future daughters names: HOPEFULLY sophie marie and kennedy renee

461. Future sons names: kristopher allan (:

462. What is your ideal way to die? sleeping

463. How do you release stress? cry

464. Are you a trendy person? i wear what i want, if it's trendy then cool, if not, i really don't give a shit

465. Are you an artistic person? photography wise, yes

466. Are you a realistic person? no

467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off? i dont have shoes that tie haha

468. Are you a strong person? emotionally yes

469. Are you a strong willed person? yes

470. Who is the last person to e-mail you? my mom

472. Do you hate chain e-mails? yes, unless they have funny pictures in them hahah ^_^

473. Are you a deep sleeper? oh yes haha

474. Are you a good story teller? no, i go off topic too much

475. What do you believe is your best quality? i have no idea. you tell me

476. What is your greatest accomplishment? walking up to kc on the ferry (:

477.Do you like to burn candles or incense? yes but i never do

478. Do you do yoga? used to

479. Do you have your own credit card? debit card, but there's no money in my bank account

480. Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do? pay my mom's bills for a year, then go shoppinggg

481. Do you have a check book? yees

482. Do you like your driver's license picture? i have a state id card :| and no i hate my picture, i look like a horse

483. Do you tan easily? no no no no

484. What color is your hair naturally? brown with red and blond highlights

485. How many fillings do you have? i think 6 or 7

486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit? 6 or 7

487. Worst feeling in the world? being in the hospital (childrens) and i having none of your friends visit you. that made me feel so damn special guys, thanks :D

488. Best feeling in the world? being loved, cherished, swept off your feet.

489. Is the glass half empty or half full? today it's half full. ask again tomrrow.

490. Last thing you downloaded? music

491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life? haha no.

492. What do you think people think of you? like i would know that, but i make awkward first impressions

493. Are you a likeable person? i'd like to think i am :/

496. What the best way to be proposed to? at dinner in public, and have the guy stand up and be like "EVERYONE, I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT" and then get on one knee and propose with the prettiest, NOT most expensive, but prettiest ring ever (:

497. Can you sleep without blankets covering you? NO WAY i have no idea why but i just can't

498. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? i guess? idno.

499. Do you put the peanut butter or the jelly on first?: ew

500. When was the last time you let the people you love/people who are important to you know you love them/that they are important to you? today

11.20.2008

My Passion

photography Pictures, Images and Photos

My passion. Photography. MY form of art. Everything inside of me screams out when I'm behind a lens, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my cameras, I love the pictures I take. It's everything I've ever dreamed of, in a tiny compact piece of metal with an LCD screen. Now comes the hard part. What do I do with this? Everyone I know says "I have a Gift." Bleh I don't know. I'll figure something out.

11.18.2008

Alexa Anxiety

Photobucket

I don't understand why I can't function as a seventeen year old "almost adult." My anxiety, bipolar, paranoia, psychosis, ocd and everything else has taken so much of a toll on me. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I'm okay when I'm really not. I want to jump off my fucking roof and fly. I need to remember the boundaries between fantasy and reality. That's my main problem. But all of this, this stress from everything, this is reality. This is MY reality. I just don't know how to function anymore.

Please Don't Ever Let Me Go

love Pictures, Images and Photos

Every day is getting better and better, I love you so much it hurts. I'm on my knees begging you, please don't ever let me go. I don't know what I would do without you here with me. I love you too much for you to say goodbye, and I never want to hear those words float from your lips. I've made mistakes, you've made mistakes, but neither of us are holding them against each other. I'm thankful for that. I love you, so much. Never let me go.




only kc knows the significance of the train tracks (;

11.15.2008

Just Go

asofterworld. Pictures, Images and Photos

I want to be a free bird. Free falling. Jailbreak. But i have this attachment to everything and everyone in my life. I want to be free. I want to forget about everything and everyone in my life, with the exception of kc, and just leave. Just go somewhere. Where no one knows my name, where no one CARES what my name is. I know that it will never work, because someone will track me down. I want to change my identity. I want to be that girl that's on the scene that everyone knows, that everyone wants to be friends with. that everyone envies. But like I said, it's never going to happen.

11.14.2008

You Are My Sunshine

post secret Pictures, Images and Photos

My Dearest KC,
I can honestly say I don't know what I would do without by my side. I'm so, so, so sorry for putting you through what I put you through last night, it was never my intention to hurt you that bad. But I'm glad to say that it only made us stronger. I miss you so much and It's only been three day since I last saw you. (secret: I cried on the way home from the ferry) I love you, and everything about you. There is nothing you could say or do that would keep me from you. Okay, that sounds a little creepy but it's true. I love you with every millimeter of my body, every beat of my heart, every ounce of blood that flows through my veins. I wish I could be with you all the time, I wish I could see you more than I do. But I'll learn to live with it, because as soon as school is done then we're getting a place together (: I can't wait baby, I love you<3

Every Single Word

Liar Pictures, Images and Photos

It was every word that came out of your stupid little mouth. It was every sentence you strung together on your keyboard, to send over 2,000 miles away. IT WAS ALL A LIE. I don't understand why I let it go as far as it did. I NEVER MET YOU. But I was attached to you stronger than anyone before you. But you know what? It's been over a year. it's been almost two years since that fateful day that I met you on myspace. It's time to forget the lies, the good memories, the bad memories, everything. It's time to let go. I have someone better, someone real, someone who actually cares for me more than you ever pretended to. So Jace McClain, Tieler Sharp, FUCK YOU.

11.13.2008

All I've Ever Wanted

I've waiting for so long for someone to come around and be mine. I found him. With every inch of my body I have the strongest feelings for him. I don't care what you say. I don't care if you talk shit. I believe in love at first sight, and I have fallen for this boy faster and harder than I ever have before. He makes me feel so amazing, like I'm the only one that matters, and that no one else does. I can't believe I got up the nerve to walk up to him on the ferry, and I'm so damn glad that I did. I wish that I could be with him every minute of everyday, but that time will come soon enough. I love you baby, so much.

11.12.2008

Just One of the Girls

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My whole life i have just been "one of the girls." I've never been able to make a name for myself and I'd really like to. I'd like to be on the runways of Paris and Milan, Japan and New York. But due to being a dress size 7/8, that dream is an impossibility. I hate how you have to be absolutely perfect to get anywhere in this fucked up world. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be my height and be a dress size 2 but it's just not going to happen. I want to be perfect. Too bad perfect doesn't exist.

11.11.2008

i just want to be me

converse Pictures, Images and Photos

What do you do when you've lost track of your identity? What do you do when it's hard to get up in the morning because you know you're going to be just another faceless person in the halls? I can't function like this anymore. I just want to be somebody. A SOMEBODY. But I'm starting to think that it will never happen. I have an amazing boyfriend and some amazing friends but they can't tell me who I am. Only I can do that. And at this moment in time I don't know how. Fuck, I've never known how. That's my whole fucking problem. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be me, but how do you do that when you don't know who you are?

11.09.2008

this weekend

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has been more than amazing.
i love my boyfriend so much and so little time has passed since we met,
but i don't care what other people have to say, i do love him and want to be with him forever.
(:

so yeaaaaah, be jealous >:|

11.02.2008

12:10 Ferry

Titanic Pictures, Images and Photos

Being on the 12:10 ferry yesterday was probably the happiest moment of my life. Not only did I walk up to the cutest boy ever, we exchanged numbers and talked about everything. Swapping funny stories and such. We've been texting non stop since we got off the ferry, and I'm really starting to fall for him. I can't wait until i see him again, it's going to be amazing. Gah I'm so happy right now (: Everyone said that when I stopped looking for someone, they would come to me, and it happened (: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!