Well then.

 

I was browsing through my dashboard on blogger this morning, and I could help but notice something. Two of my blogger friends announced they were now engaged, one of them announced the name of their baby in their tummy, and the other one said that she just found out she was pregnant. Now, do not get me wrong here, I am SO excited for my blogger friends! How exciting is all that news? The only thing that's got me down, is my loneliness. Also, I'm getting extremely sick of people telling me, "Oh you're so young! Give it time.. You'll find someone one day!" Really? Because I'm nineteen and you're twenty. So don't tell me that I'll find someone someday, when you've found the love of your life already, and you're only a year older than me. Another thing, what's with the onlyyy people telling me these things, are the ones in long term relationships? Also, don't think that I'm rushing out to get pregnant by the next guy that walks down the street. That's NOT what I'm talking about. I haven't even decided when I want kids, I know for sure I want them, but I just don't know exactly when. It will be after I'm married definitely, though. I just want there to be some kind of sign, that I'm not destined to be apart of failed relationships my entire life. And so far, that's what they've been. I've never been the girl that people want. I have never been "popular" or picked first in gym class, or been any one's first choice. Never. I guess that's what's has me all depressed right now. No body wants to take the time to learn about me, or get to know me. They just want to take me for a spin, and leave me in the dirt. I just want to know that there are decent people out there. I want a sign, to tell me that I will not be here, alone, forever.

Dear Clothing Companies:

If you are going to make extra small tops, why can't you make extra large tops? There are some people out there who have large chests, and they can never find clothes that fit them.

Thank you,
Alexa

CupKay's Giveaway! (It's rhymes! How cute :D!)

Hey everyone! You guys should all go check out CupKay's Holiday Giveaway! The little Christmas pouches are so cute! And guess what, you could win them! :D!

So check it out, guys! :D

Present Exchange?

Hey everyone! This is the last call for the homemade present exchange! :D If you would like to swap a simple, hand-crafted present with me for the holiday's, let me know! Just leave a comment here, or email me at portlandpaparazi@yahoo.com (:

Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, I still think it would be a fun way to connect my blogger friends with myself! (: All you have to do is send me your mailing address, and I will send mine back to you! (Email that to me, I don't want stalkers on here to come to your guys' houses!) and then whenever you are ready to swap the presents, let me know, and we will put them in the mail on the same day! (: Even if you don't think you're that creative, I still think it would be super awesome to get some handmade things from you guys! (:

Let me know, guys! I'm already doing this with my blogger friend Leslie, and I want to include the rest of you too! :D 

I'm really excited about this, as you can tell! haha

It's becoming very clear

that I will never be anyone's first choice.

Link Blanket :D

Sorry for the late post about my brother's birthday present! This picture was just of Link, before he was added to the dark green fleece (: Here you go guys!

Time for a long post

I've had a lot of my mind lately, but unfortunately it just won't compute into words. I've been thinking about life, love, family, friends, and everything that correlates into those things. I get into those modes, when I think about everything way too much, and thankfully they don't happen too often. I know that I over think every situation, but it's starting to get very old. I wish that I was able to put into words how I'm feeling, so I guess I will try...

 

I feel as if I am hiding behind something. Call it a mask, call it whatever you'd like, but I feel as if I'm being hidden from the world, even when I don't want to be. My heart aches for acceptance, and I know as long as these disorders captivate my mind, it will never come. My Social Phobia seemed to be getting under control, but then, out of nowhere, a new symptom popped up. I get itchy. Red and bumpy, and I feel like I have the chickenpox. Crazy, right? On top of my eyes not being able to focus when I get anxious, the racing heartbeat, weak legs, and all the other things that go along with anxiety and panic attacks, I now get itchy. I wish that I could break free of my anxiety, I wish I could just "snap out of it." That's really not an option though. I must live with it, continue taking medication, or try and get over it. I'm choosing all three, but I refuse to live with gut wrenching anxiety while taking medication for the rest of my life. You could say that I'm living the life of a very sheltered girl, and you'd be right. I am me though. A anxiety, and other disorder, ridden nineteen year old who refuses to give up.Now, I'm not going to be running for Miss America anytime soon, but I will combat my anxiety to the point where it's actually fun to be social, because as the last four years, it hasn't been.

Life has always given me the short end of the stick. I grew up in fear, I grew up with my innocence stolen from me. A lot of people say innocence is a choice, that you can only let it be taken from you if you let it. Honestly, I don't believe that one bit. I'm not going to get into my beliefs, but just know that I don't buy that. I'm a complicated girl, and I always have been. People don't want to get involved with a complicated person, and I understand that to a point. There's always layers to people. Their exterior, they show what they want people to see. Then they have the middle, which are all the things people try to hide from the world. Then there's the core, which is what a person is really like. Unfortunately, you must climb over two layers to get to the core. In my situation, everyone, and I mean everyone, stops at the middle layer. They find out one thing they don't like and they are out that door. But here's something that may come as a shock to you. My past is not who I am right now. Yeah, I've been through a lot of stuff that has really, really screwed me up in the past, but now... now I've learned from those things. They have taught me to be stronger, have more will power, and to not take anyone's crap. I just want someone to take that leap over the middle layer into my core, I want someone to chase me into love.

I always have these great ideas, but no one to share them with. I have my best friend, and my mom, and a few other friends along the way. I think more of all, though, I have my journal and blog. They are the ones that I always am able to share my ideas with. My dreams, my hopes, and my goals. For now, I guess that will have to be good enough.

You can't fire me.. I quit!

What's the matter with misfits? 

That's where we fit in! 

These Tears

These tears, falling from my face, I know where they come from. They could only possibly come from one place, and I'm starting to get very sick of crying over this stupid subject. It's terrible, to say that you've never felt love from someone in a romantic way. That all the people that you've felt strong feelings for, whether it be love or something less, have never felt that way back. All I said when I was growing up, my only dream, my only goal, was to get married and have kids. That's all I wanted. That's all I still want. For some reason, though, I have this distinct feeling that it's not going to happen. I just want someone to hang out with, be stupid with, sing at the top of my lungs badly with. Someone to care about the little things, the weird things. The things that make me awkward. I don't want things to stay the way they are. I just want to be who I want to be.

"Tell me it’s all right,
Just for one night.
Show you how to feel like,
What it feels like.
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Be thought of and to be missed.
I can be that part of you,
Let me be that part of you."

Let's take this world by the neck,

and each other by the heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all you out there! And as I posted on Facebook, if you aren't in the states, Happy Thursday! Haha. :D We're still trying to figure out plans, considering that it's snowing.. agaiiiin, and the roads aren't that clear so we don't know if we want to venture into the almost two hour drive to my Uncle's house. Hmmmm. It will be a good Thanksgiving anyways, we have a turkey here if all else fails (: I'm in charge of mashed potatoes this year.. WOOHOO! Haha I love making potatoes and I think they turn out great when I use whipping cream.. and guess what! I HAVE WHIPPING CREAM! hahahah (: I'm so grateful for my friends, and all my blogger friends as well! You guys have all supported me, and listened to my rants, and have cared about what I have to say (: Thank you all! Anywaaays, I hope you all have a wonderful day, whether you are celebrating Thanksgiving or not (:

It's Time We Leave This Place

As the pictures fade, and the memories remain, I think it's time we leave this place. I've waited to pack my bags for quite some time. We'll take the memories, and the pictures too, but our footprints need to be placed somewhere else. Every time I think about staying here, in this town, in this state, I cringe. I was not prepared to stay here for this long, nineteen years is too long. I wish that I could just get up and catch the next train out of here, but unfortunately that's just not an option. I'm tired of waiting, constantly debating, how to get out of here. Maybe one day, but sadly, for now, I stay.

Seriously?

I'm done with my stupid family being assholes.
I'm extremely pissed off right now,
and I feel like either punching a wall or killing someone.
Let's go with the first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO!

Happy Birthday to my big brother, Nick. He's turning 22 today!
I made him a Link (from Zelda) blanket for his birthday.. it turned out pretty darn awesome if I do say so myself :D

A serious case of the Giggles

You can tell me things are different from last time to this time, and I will probably believe you. I have a huge crush on you, and I feel so stupid about it. We haven't seen each other in three years, and the last time we did see each other, things ended on a pretty awkward note. I understand why I have this crush again, but it's still perplexing. I get a serious case of the Giggles whenever I talk to you. Butterflies race around my stomach and I think, "I just want to see his cute face." What is wrong with me? I guess I just wish you would have a crush on me back.. but that won't ever happen, I can guarantee that. You're pretty much the only boy that was actually careful with my heart, when everyone else just stomped all over it. Although things were a bit awkward with us back then, and even if they still are, couldn't we be awkwardly cute together? Oh god.. I'm getting ahead of myself. Why do I always do this.. I tend to be a massive screw up. And for that, I apologize.

Thinking about...

I'm thinking about Christmas, and how much I can't wait until it comes! :D haha. I've been in such a holiday mood lately, and with the snow yesterday (and it's remnants today) and my mom having her tree up, I just can't wait!

:D
What are you guy's looking forward to this holiday season? (:

SNOW!

IT'S SNOWINGGG! 

Well, it's been snowing since yesterday haha, but I'm super excited! I love the snow, but not when it piles up like craaazy. I just hope it clears out by Wednesday evening, I have to take the ferry over to my mom's house for my brother's birthday annnd Thanksgiving, and if this snow keeps coming, I won't be able to go! 

Anyways! I'm really starting to look forward to the holidays! I love love love everything about Christmas, ESPECIALLY the music, which will start on Friday! :D!

YIPPIEEEE!

The Last Song

My cousin Megan and I just watched "The Last Song," and I must say, I haven't been that depressed about my "love situation" in a looong time. As we were watching it, I said "I'M SO FRUSTRATED I JUST WANT TO BLOG ABOUT IT" hahahaha. Yeahhhh.. I wish everything was falling into place by now... D:

Let's just say

I'm completely sick and tired of my family's crap. Just down right SICK of it.

Oh my goodness! :D

It's so amazingly awesome how nice my blogger friends are! :D I just received a package from Kaycee!
A while back, as you all know from reading my blog, I was going through a tough time. Kaycee took her time to put together a wonderful little jar of quotes and lyrics, that I pick out everyday! (:

I've decided what I'm thankful for this year.
I'm thankful for friends, that I know in real life, or over the cables of the internet, because even though I may not have that many, the ones I do have are worth a million bucks. (:

Crafter Gift Exchange? :D

So my blogger friend Leslie and I are doing a holiday crafter gift exchange! I couldn't be more excited! What I'm wondering issss.. Would anyone else like to do a homemade craft gift exchange? (: All you would have to do is make a gift, of anything you want, and send it to me. I will send you a homemade present as well! Sounds fun, huh? :D

So here's the "rules" (well more like guidelines):
- There is absolutely no need to spend a bunch of money on craft supplies.
- Make whatever you'd like!
- Email me at portlandpaparazi@yahoo.com if you would like to take part in this.

I'm super excited about this!
I'm in the mood to be crafty, so I figured I should put that to good use! haha.

:D

Take Flight

I sit here not really sure of what to say. I type something out, then hold down the "backspace" key so it all disappears faster than it was written. I have spoken of getting away many times before. Just packing my bags and getting the hell out of this town. I never seem to have the courage to do so. I see other people living their lives to the fullest, as cliche as that sounds. They may have their ups and downs, but they always seem to have fun. They have their friends, their good times, and the pictures to prove it. I feel as if I am a bird who just can't seem to get out of the nest. I know it's time to take flight, to spread my wings. What happens, though, when every single time you've tried to do that, you come crashing to the ground? I've worked so damn hard to get to where I am, and I don't want to chance falling, yet again. You can tell me everything that's worked for you, or what your parents told you, or what your great aunt twice removed once said. Truth be told, though, I can bet you that none of those things will work for me. I don't know how to live my life. I never have. It's scary to think, that I'm nineteen years old, and I have nothing in line for the future. I say "in line" because every time I plan the future, it goes horribly wrong. So I sit here, a year into being an adult, and I have worked my ass off to become stable, and now that I am, I don't know where to go. I don't even know where I want to go. I feel like nothing will ever be the way I've hoped. That may be sad, but I'll keep going. I'll try to take flight, I'll try to spread my wings, and I may fall.. I may fall a hundred more times before I get to soaring, but I will do it. Watch me. Watch me prove you all, and myself, wrong.

Crafting Away

I'm in the mood to be crafty.. but then again, in the last few weeks, when have I NOT been in the mood to be crafty? I love making things, I always have, ever since I was little. I remember this one time when I was about eight or so, I made a computer out of a triangle shaped box. It was the coolest thing! Though now I'm on to more.. shall we say, "mature" crafts (mature still doesn't sound right!) What's awesome is I have my best friend Ashley as my crafting buddy! Next time we hang out we are making cupcakes! But not just any ol' cupcakes...! I love being creative, although sometimes it frustrates me when things don't come out the way that I want them to. But that's half the fun of being a crafter. Usually things don't come out the way they're "supposed" to, or how the picture looked on the tute, but who cares! That's what makes it unique. Now, any of you crafters know of any good craft blogs here on blogger? I'm looking for ones I can follow! Thanks for any suggestions!

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

I cannot wait for Monday! It's supposed to snow here, so I'm veryyy excited. I like snow, but not really when it sticks and it's impossible to get anywhere! You know? But that's good because snow rarely sticks around here. Anyways, I can't wait to string up my Christmas lights, and put up the tree! Oh and stockings too! I've been in the crafty mood lately so I've been making all of my presents for people this year. I have to get to finishing everything! Oh and that reminds me, I neeeed to get that hot glue gun! I'm wishing I had someone to spend the holidays with this year, but hey, you never know what could happen!

Truth Be Told

Honestly

I couldn't be happier right now..
:D

A one time thing

Ghia, my cat, is currently sitting on my lap, and has been for the last half hour. (:
He usually hates being "loved" by me, so this is quite the surprise! (:
Oooop! He just jumped off to get on top of his box. :b
But he kind of fell while adjusting himself a few minutes ago, and he smacked his chin on the keyboard tray! D:
Poor baby!

New Phone?

I'm hoping to be getting a new phone here like... tonight. I've gone without a phone for TWO months, it's definitely time to get a new one! I was on my mom's plan, but because of her financial issues, we don't have that plan anymore. So! I'm hopefully getting on my dad's plan (:

Just thought I'd share...

Facebook Issues?

Is anyone else having Facebook issues right now?
I can't even get to the page without it being like noooope just kidddding D:

WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOO?!
hahah :b

Hm?

I'm currently back in contact with someone whom I haven't spoken to in over a year.
This is quite bizarre.

Heartbreak : Begin

Well, here it goes.
Nothing ever lasts in my life.

Old Memories

It's amazing, how something so simple as a song can take us back to a different time. Perhaps a time where we were totally different people, or a time when we had so much to learn. Or perhaps a time that means everything to us, or nothing at all. Yet it seems, for me at least, that most of the times when I hear these songs, tears start pouring down my face. Now, it has gotten a lot better lately, where I can listen to some songs, especially ones that remind me of someone.. well, someone that I never really knew to be honest. But there's always those moments, when you're a bit down, and you hear that song and old memories just come flooding back. It's heartbreaking to know that one song can hold so much of your past in it's rhythm. There's a few songs that remind me of a careless time in my life, where I literally did just about anything. I miss the freedom of not caring about my anxiety, not caring about what other people thought about me. I miss being someone I was happy with. It really sucks, knowing that at one point you actually were happy with yourself, and knowing that now... now you just don't know how to be happy with yourself when you don't even know who you are.

Uhmmmmm

I am confused.. to say the LEAST..
I can't get into details,  but let's just say something happened that could change EVERYTHING.
and I don't know if it would change for the better.. or for the worse..

November's Blogger of the Month?

It's about that time that I start the process of choosing a new blogger of the month!
You can find the original post here.

(:

Back to Reality

This fantasy I've been living in the last few days, the one where everything will actually go according to plan, has just worn off. I cannot live in a fantasy world, I needed to come back to reality. You see, nothing ever works out for me. Ever. So why would this time be any different? I get my hopes up, then everything comes crashing down faster than it all built up. I long for something other than what has been given to me.. That's bad, isn't it? That I crave something that I do not have. Here's the thing though, I am grateful for what I have. I just want something that isn't what I've had my entire life. It's constantly the same routine. Wake up, Facebook, eat, Days of our Lives, eat, Facebook, Blogspot, Facebook, sleep. Why can't I have that romantic kind of lifestyle? The one where I actually want to get out of bed in the morning, and live my life in a wonderful, cherishing kind of way. Unfortunately, I do not have that, and I do not know where to get the inspiration to have it. I have learned over the years that I cannot rest my happiness on anyone's shoulder's but my own. I've had quite the lovely last few weeks, my mood seems to be up, and I haven't been the downer that I usually am. The problem is, I feel as if this streak of happiness has been because of the boy that I have not shut up about. Though, this happiness surge really started before I started talking about him in a serious way... Hmmm. I truly believe that something good will come of all this. I just need to learn to not sabotage myself, like I usually do. I need to trust myself, and trust him. If I conquer those two challenges, I know I will come out on top in this whole thing. I'd really love for a cup of hot chocolate and that Milky Way I've been craving for the last week...

This town

This town has gotten me strapped down. I cannot escape it, no matter how hard I try. Something always brings me back here, and I'm ready to strangle whatever it is that is doing so. I want to run away, I want to get away. I need to get away. The only thing is, I don't want to leave by myself. I have faith that I could make it out there by myself, I just don't to. I want to have someone there with me, for the journey, for the adventure. Shivers run up my spine just thinking about leaving. There is one person, who consumes my thoughts and my dreams. Someone who I never want to leave my life, even if nothing comes of this. Someone who has heard the truth, about almost everything, and is still here. Still talking to me. This whole in between stage we're in right now though.. it's pretty much killing me. I just want to run away with him, and never look back. I want something, I want this to be real. Right now it feels more like a dream than reality. I want your face to be the one that I wake up to. I want your hands to be the ones that I hold. I want everything to work out, I want this to be the awesome dream that I've been conjuring up for so many years. I don't know, call me crazy, but I'm falling for him. Very quickly.

Makes my heart pound

Sometimes, I over think every single situation that is consuming my life. I try not to, but it's rather hard. I've been talking to my best friend about the future. What we want it to hold and what we think it will actually hold. You see, I have found this boy. This wonderfully, awesome, makes-my-heart-pound kind of guy. We sort of rediscovered each other a year and a half or so back, after we met over six years ago. This boy, is everything I've ever wanted. Mostly - he knows my past and isn't running. My stomach has a serious case of the butterflies every time I talk to him, talk about him, or think about him. This could possibly be the start of something wonderful. Here's the other thing - I've told him all of what I'm feeling.. with the past, with the present, and with the future. And guess what? He still isn't running.

:D

Meet Ghia! Well, you've all met him before.. but not officially! This is my kitty, well, my dad's kitty, who I just happen to play with and stay at home with a lot haha. His name is Ghia, like Ghirardelli chocolate, without the "R"! I love this picture because he was actually looking at the camera, and actually stayed for me to take the picture! Normally he will walk away as soon as I get onto the ground with him. Ghia has a million nicknames, but mostly "Ghia Phia" and "Senor Ghia" (You have to say that with a faked Mexican accent :D) And then, usually when I'm feeding him, he say "Ga-Ga-Ga-GHIA!" Like the Chia pets.. but Ghia instead.. Yeah. Okay well Ghia is being extremely weird today, and has been acting extremely weird for the last week or so. Weirdo. Maybe it's a sign of the Apocalypse.. They say animals can sense these things! :b

Texas?

I currently have a knot in my stomach the size of Texas, 

I'm on the verge of a panic attack, 

and I feel like throwing up.

Awesome.

Ashley my bestie!

This is Ashley and I.. look familiar? hahaha, this is me and the same girl that were in the "gangsta" picture from five years ago! This was taken on Thursday of this week! You guys should follow her blog! It's http://lovvebirdd.blogspot.com/ !

I'm still thinking about giveaway ideas.. among other things...

Funky Mood

I'm in quite the funky mood tonight.. not really sure why, either. I guess it could be all this.. shall we say.. "long term" talk..? I mean, I'm talking to my best friend about it, but throughout it all, I keep thinking about him. I know, it seems silly, but I really could see it happening with him. We haven't seen each other in what, six years? Something like that.. really, who's counting.. Anyways, I just feel wonderful when I talk to him.. like I can literally say anything, which I have in the past, and he won't care. I mean, he'll care, but not in a bad way. It's refreshing, extremely refreshing, to know that there's a boy out there that might actually be the one for me.. Please, whoever is out there deciding my fate, make this one work out..

100 Followers and a GIVEAWAY?!

Hey there everyone! I'm a little over 60 followers right now, but I decided that once I get to 100, I will do an awesome giveaway! So all you have to do is mention my blog to your friends, and once I get up to 100 followers, I will post an entry with what I will be giving away! (: I'm really excited for this! Let me know what kind of things you guys would like to see in a giveaway, too! I really have no clue what to do, I just know I want it to be of epic proportions! haha. So get onto posting my link (Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Livejournal, or even Myspace if you still use that! haha) and I will be conjuring up some ideas, along with the help you guys give me for what to put in the giveaway! (:

Happy Saturday everyone!

Single Christian Girls :b

cody says:
 lol can I ask you a completely unrelated question?
Alexa says:
 yessss
cody says:
 why does facebook want me to meet local single christian girls? lol
Alexa says:
 hahahahahaha
cody says:
 lol but why does it have to be christian girls? what if I wanted to meet a nice jewish or muslim girl? or maybe even a hindi girl lol.
Alexa says:
 hahahhaa
cody says:
 facebook is so predigest lol
Alexa says:
 hahahaha

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.

No more keyboards

This city has been giving me a headache for my entire life. I have this gut feeling that I need to get away. It popped into my head today, what if I moved near you? What if I made it easier for us to start something? Hell, it's just a dumb idea conjured up by a dumb girl with dumb feelings...  but what if it worked? I have no money, and I need to finish school, but what if when I was done with my classes, and had a bit of money in my pocket, I came to be with you? I can't imagine you would ever agree with the idea, but something tells me that I should present it to you. 

I want us to be face to face, once again. No more keyboards, no more texting, no more internet or phones. Just you, and me, ready to take on the world together. Like I said, I can't imagine that you would ever go along with this, but I want to give it a go. I want everything to fall into place, like I've always wanted it to. Could this be my one chance to change the path I've been walking for the last four years? I really, truly, honestly hope so. 

I'm just going to throw this out there... you are something wonderful. I haven't met anyone like you before. I feel like everything may not be falling into place right this second, but I hope that it all will quite soon. I wonder, could you be the person that I've been waiting for? Could you be the one? I guess we won't know until we give it a go.

The pillows and the blankets

There is something about you that I can't shake out of my head. There is something about you that I don't want to shake out of my head. I feel so comfortable when talking to you, it's as if we have known each other since birth. The pillows and the blankets that know my deepest secrets are even aware of the fact that I am so comfortable with you. They say, "What is this? You should not be relaxed.. you should put your guard up." I whisper back, "What if this time is different?" And all they can do is quiet their little feathers and threads, and I know that I might be right. What if this time is different? Even though we may not be able to see each other face to face right now, what if the laughter we share is trying to tell us something? What if for every gasp of air, the universe is saying, "Take your chance." You see, I don't need to take a chance in this situation. I've taken one already by telling you how I feel.. now it's your turn. Take a chance.

Happy Veterans' Day

Happy Veterans' Day to all the wonderful soldiers out there, no matter when they served. My cousin, Stefan, is currently a Marine, and I couldn't be more proud of him. I hope all of the current military men and women know that we are all rooting for them to come home safely (:

My bestie!

So my  best friend Ashley and I are hanging out tonight, and I'm SO excited to be all crafty with her! We're going to make jewelry! WOOHOO! I'm so excited haha. It will be a lot of fun.

We have only hung out once since a loong time ago, but we caught up so fast! She's super chill and really easy to get along with, I just know all you  blogger people would love her! (:

Here's a REALLY old picture of me and her... she might just kill me for posting it! hahah :b

GANGSTAAAAA! hahahahaha. I was about 14 in this picture hahahah :b (I'm on the right)

Cody (:

So my best guy friend, Cody, is awesome. I just told him that he's my best guy friend, and this is what he said:

well, I've never been someone's best guy friend before lol. I mean, there's what, a little over 6 and a half billion people in world. That must mean there is roughly 3,750,000,000 men in the world. and out of ALL of those guys, I'm the best one. That's quite an accomplishment lol (:

HI!

Today is a good day, and I am happy. 

I don't even care that this picture is out of focus, 

because I'm THAT happy today! :D

Ghia Pia is silly

Okay so this is the spare bedroom at our house, and I have a bunch of stuff in boxes, and guess who decided to climb UP the mattress and sleep on the very top box? The box is about eight feet up. Hahaha. This cracked me up! What's funnier is watching Ghia climb back DOWN the mattress.. hahahah. And yes, that IS a Rose Dewitt-Bukater Barbie Doll. ^__^

Let's do this.

I have this feeling, deep down, that we might actually work out. I know, I know, it's really early on, and the last thing I want to do is rush things. I feel like it's up to me to make this happen. To make it happen. My crush on you has been developing for a little while, and I feel like maybe, possibly, a crush on me has been forming in your heart for a little while as well. I want to see where things go with us, see if any sparks ignite fireworks. I truly hope so.

What does it mean?

What does it mean, to be in love? I have only completely loved someone once, and I can't even truly say that I was "in love," as for he never loved me back. I've always wondered, what does it take to fall in love? I suppose it's different for each and every person on earth. It could be the moment they hold your hand, the moment they kiss your lips, or the moment they say, "I don't know what I would do without you."

Love is something that I have always wanted, but never felt the need to have. Yes, I indeed crave it, but who doesn't? Who doesn't want that "toes go numb, eye lids flutter, heart beats stop, just want to faint" feeling? It's not something that you can easily acquire, either, as for true love only comes once in a lifetime, at least I believe so. It's impossible to say when someone will fall in love, it's impossible to say when they will fall out of love. The only thing you can do is hope that it happens.

The companionship is what I crave. The idea of having someone there through everything, through the good times, the hard times and of course, the awesome and wonderful times. Someone that will never judge you, and you feel so comfortable around. The person that can laugh with you, cry with you, and play around with you, without being hurtful to your feelings. 

Love is something that no one can take away, for it dissolves when there is not enough effort put into it all. It's a known fact that people stop putting effort into things after enough time has passed. Is love any different? Do people fall out of love because they can't find "the light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak? I  believe so. I also know there are other reasons people fall out of love, but I see a lack of effort as a main cause.

I'm not trying to force anyone to fall in love with me. That's the last thing I would do. The whole reason I'm talking about this is because I know there are people that feel the same way. People that just want a hand to hold, lips to kiss, and arms to hug.

I guess the point of this is to say the one thing I've always been saying. I want someone who isn't afraid. Someone who knows that I occasionally have insecure moments,  but that I come back to reality quickly. Someone who will take walks in the rain with me, and will always find time to watch a movie, cook dinner, or play a board game. I want someone who will sit with me on a bad night, and just talk about everything. Someone I feel comfortable with, and don't feel ashamed to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth to. Someone that knows what my passions are, and accepts them. I want someone who realizes that there is girl time, boy time, and together time. I'm looking for someone who wants nothing more than someone to spend time with, and someone that will understand them, and what they feel. Most of all, I don't want to play games. I want something real. I want something that will make my heart skip a beat.

asldkfasldfj!

I have a crush! And I have let my crush been known! AND I WASN'T SLAMMED IN THE FACE WITH SOMETHING HORRIBLY RUDE! It was actually a very nice conversation! AHHH SO HAPPY! Just thought I'd let all my blogger friends know! Heheheheh.

I just the exclamation point WAY too many times in this post...

Knobby Knees and Goosebumps

It's days like these, when the goosebumps scale back and forth on your body, that I really start to think about my life. The bitter air, the crisp leaves, and the smell of the salt water all make me wonder... what am I doing with my life? Just yesterday I came up with the plan for my life. I'm not sure why, considering the last time I came up with a plan for my life it ended up not going the way I planned.. and everything was screwed up. Anyways... I have to realize that these knobby knees of mine aren't going to get me very far. I'm an overly awkward person, and I have to figure out a way to make that work for me. The whole "finding someone that accepts me for who I am" thing, isn't going to well.. so now it's on to Plan B. Wait, I don't have a Plan B... so what now? All I've wanted in life is to find someone, settle down, and start a life. If that's not going to happen soon, I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm just wanting to find something, anything, that will make my life feel like it's worth living. Because as of 5:09pm on Monday November 8th, I don't have that.

YIPPEEE!

I got my sewing machine to work again! My reverse lever is stillllll broken, but I have worked around that for the last six months, I can do it again... haha. I'm working like mad on my brother's present, hoping to get it done by the 24th! I'm sure I can, I just need to get some green fleece.. Walmart will have it.

Anywhoooo.. I'm not feeling so great today D:
I have a headache and my tummy is all upset.
Oh noooo!

I think it's because I had too much ice cream yesterday.
heheheh

How did all of you guys enjoy your weekend? (:

20 Things that make me happy

After being kind of down about some things, I decided to make a list of the 20 things that make me happiest. 

Here you go!

The 20 Things that make me, aka Alexa, happy!

1. Photography
2. Writing
3. Thrifting
4. Root Beer Floats
5. Rescuing Princess Peach at the end of "Mario"
6. Receiving Postcards and Letters
7. The Fast Food Drive Thru at 3am
8. The Christmas Season
9. Antique Shops
10. Eclectic Used Book Stores (I will own one.. one day..)
11. Dancing in the Rain
12. Love
13. S'mores
14. When a Song I love Comes on the Radio
15. Getting "Dolled Up" for a Special Event
16. Decorating the Christmas Tree
17. Eating Mac and Cheese out of Really Big Coffee Cups
18. Room Temp Chocolate Chips Cookies (hahah)
19. Having Kool Aid Tea Parties
20. Star Gazing
    
    
    
    
    I need to make these apart of my life again.

I don't know.

I don't know what to do right now.
I feel like crying, because I just want to talk to someone I haven't spoken to in over a year.
Yet everyone tells me not to, and I know they're probably right.
It's best if I just left it alone.


):

This Weekend

I had a wonderful time getting to know a girl that I used to "know" wayyy back in middle school, but have become a bit closer with over blogger. Alexandra, over at Young Missus, and I, were able to catch up a bit on life over hot chocolate earlier today. Although it was only an hour long talk, it was still very nice to know that there was someone that understands what I say. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love all of you blogger friends to death! But it's different talking to someone in person, being able to talk face to face about life. Anyways, I hope me and her are able to get together again soon, it was quite a nice way to start my day.

Tomorrow is my Nana's birthday. Now, for those of you who don't know, my Nana and I are extremely close. Mid way through this year, she suffered a stroke. My Nana is already blind and even though she has this handicap, she has always lived her life to the fullest, and never let it get in her way. But since she had the stroke, she has been confined, for the most part, to a wheelchair. Even though the left side of her body took the brunt of the impact from the stroke, her spirits have not changed. When I saw her a little bit after she had the stroke, she said, "The nurses asked me what my goal for Medicare was... I told them it was 'to have a sexy walk.'" Now THAT'S the Nana I remember! I remember she was babysitting my brother and I one time when I was about seven or eight, and there was a spider at the end of our hallway. Well,  with me being so young, and my brother being scared of spiders, neither of us were going near that thing. So! We grabbed a glass from the kitchen, and had my Nana crawl, yes, CRAWL, on her hands and knees to get to the spider, as I screamed "RIGHT! NO LEFT! OKAY, A LITTLE MORE LEFT! NOW DOWNNNNN!" After capturing the spider, we put paper around the glass so we didn't have to see it. Needless to say it's one of our favorite stories to tell. ^__^

I love talking to my Nana, she really understands everything I have to say, and is never judgmental. I could say I want to travel to Europe and just hitchhike for three years, and she would just laugh and say, "You know, that sounds like a great idea!" (Though I would never hitchhike in my life!) Anywho, I'm really excited to see her tomorrow. I haven't seen her in over a month, and I can't wait to have a "Nana vent sesh"!

And then, that song by that band came on, 

and I remembered what it was like to be forgotten.

Love Many, Trust Few

It's obvious that I love my cousins, but I'm starting to realize that I can't trust them. Our relationships have gone downhill this year, and I have no idea why. It's like alliances are being made, and I'm the enemy. I know life isn't fair, but this is just complete shit. I've lost just about all of my friends over the years. To the point that I don't have a best friend, because not one person considers me theirs. I'm not looking for sympathy here, I'm simply venting because OH YEAH! I have no friends to vent to. My family, meaning my cousins, has had their ups and downs. But no one, and I mean no one, deserves to be ignored, and blatantly disrespected. I have done nothing but treat them like gold, and over the last few months, almost year, it's all just fallen apart. It's funny how my much older cousins are the ones that still treat me well. The mature ones.

Sewing Machine update (and then some)

Well... I called the sewing machine repair place, and the lady said it would be about a hundred bucks or more to fix what's wrong. GAAAAAAAAAH! I don't have a hundred dollars! So my dad was poking around online and found the entire guide to the inside of the machine, and says he might be able to fix what's wrong! Yay for having a dad who knows everything about everything! Bahah. Anyways, I guess my brother's present will be given to him for Christmas, not his birthday. Poop. If you know anything about me, you know that I LOVE giving presents. More so than receiving them! I especially love giving gifts when I make them, so like as soon as I finish making it, I'm like "okay got to wrap it up and give it to them... NOW!" hahah. I have a supply list for everything else that I need to get for my other presents, and luckilyyyyy my brother's present is the only one that I need my sewing machine for! YIPPEEE! Which means that I won't get toooo far behind on things! Anywho, I've babbled on long enough.

A hint for my brother's present... Zelda. ^__^ hehe.
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING!

The Holidays!

OH BOYYY! The holidays are coming full force at this point... Yesterday I started making my brother's birthday present, his birthday is the 24th of November, so I have to work pretty fast on it, which sucks because 1) it's going to take quite a while and 2) my sewing machine is on the fritz! Oh No! I have to take it into the repair shop soon, and hopefully it won't cost too much... I only have 30 bucks right now! Anyways, I've decided to make mostly all of my presents and cards this year. What an adventure this will be! I had to get an early start, that's why I'm talking about it now, on November 5th, haha. I have about a dozen (or more) people to make presents for, so I'm trying to get it out of the way so I'm not so stressed! I'll be taking a break at the end of the month, when I have my finals in my classes, but other than that I'm going to be working my butt off trying to get all these presents made! Are any of you guys crafters? If so, are you making your Christmas presents this year? Let me know what you are making! I'm interested to know what my fellow crafters are making! (:

You make me happy

 

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine,

you make me happy,

when skies are gray (:

I just thought this would be a cute idea!

Question?

I'm curious, what would you guy's like to see more of on my blog? Now, remember, I run a lifestyle blog, not a fashion blog. As much as I love fashion, there's way too many fashion blogs out there to compete with and I just don't have the time or energy to do so! Anywhoooo, let me know what you would like to see here! I write for myself, but honestly, I want you guys to enjoy reading what I write!

New look, new name!

Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you all know that I revamped my blog today.. oh what boredom does to me! Haha. I also decided to rename my blog, but no worries! My URL is still the same so you will still be able to find me! Hehe. Honestly, I get bored very easily and like change. Actually, I love change. I rearrange my room about once a month, and if I could move that often (well, minus the packing and unpacking part) I totally would. Anyways, this is now "Suitcase full of Skulls"! I adore my old name, Skipping Through the Atmosphere, but I just really got sick of how long it was! I really dislike Blogger's "template designer"! It frustrates the hell out of me! Errrrgggg. But I was able to settle on a design that I like.. for now...

Happy Blogging everyone!

Oh PS!

The post before this one, was my 700th post! WOOHOO!

I need to get away from this place

As lovely as this city can be, I have grown tired of everything about it. I feel as if the cold mountains and rocky beaches have shown me everything they have to show. I feel as if I don't belong here anymore. As much as I'd like to get away from here, it is just not an option. My family has planted their roots firmly into the ground here, and unless I want to rip away from everyone I know, I must stay here. I have gotten used to the bitter cold, the pouring rain and the sun setting behind the mountains. I enjoy those things most of the time, but it's the memories that this city holds that is making me want to go far away. The memories that I cannot shake, though I know I need to. The thoughts that swirl through my brain every time I return here, the thoughts of, "Please don't make me go back." I have wanted to leave for quite some time, but unfortunately that is just not plausible.

"Will you fly me away,

Take me away with you,

My love..."

HAHAH

I loveee it when people think that they are entitled to be a bitch to everyone.
GROW UP.

KITTY!

I was a kitty for passing out candy to trick or treaters (:

Life

I stand here, with my feet planted firmly on the ground. I don't know where to go from here, I think about where I want to go in my life, where I want to be... but I don't even know that. My ultimate goal? The one dream I've had my entire life? To be a cute little house wife and mother. But unfortunately, people don't really accept that, at least not coming from a nineteen year old. Other than that, I don't know what else to do with my life. Plus the fact that I'm not even dating anyone, so I'm no where near being what I want to be. People call me crazy, they don't understand how I could want to get married at such a young age. It's not just the ceremony that I want. It's the whole package deal. I want to spend my life with someone, and take the good with the bad. I want to share memories, and create memories. I want nothing to get in our way, nothing to stop us from having the best kind of fun. I want to take pictures of us cuddling, and pictures of us having picnics and walking on the beach. I know it wouldn't be easy, nothing in life is easy, but it something that I want. Call me crazy if you'd like, but I know that although it will be hard, it's what I want in life.

Happy November!

It's November! Which means we are closer to Thanksgiving, anddd closer to Christmas! YAAAY! (:

I absolutely adore Autumn. What are your guys' favorite seasons and months? (: Let me know! My favorite months are October and November. I want hot chocolate.. hmmm.. (: